


Child of darkness

by MangaBitch



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Affectionate Insults, Anxiety Attacks, Ass-Kicking, Awkward Flirting, Awkward Romance, Awkward Tension, Bottom Jean Kirstein, Childhood Memories, Childhood Trauma, Crushes, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Falling In Love, Family Secrets, Father-Daughter Relationship, First Crush, First Impressions, First Love, Flashbacks, Fluff, Forced Bonding, French Jean Kirstein, Friends to Lovers, Hidden Talents, Imprinting, Insults, Isolation, Loneliness, Loner, Love, Nightmares, Opposites Attract, Orders, Original Female Character(s) - Freeform, Panic Attacks, Partnership, Past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Pedophilia, Protectiveness, Psychological Trauma, Rivalry, Romantic Fluff, Roommates, Sasha Being Sasha, Sexual Slavery, Sexual Tension, Shy Jean Kirstein, Slave Trade, Swearing, Teen Crush, Tension, Trust, Trust Issues, Tsunderes, Unresolved Tension, mutual hatred, yumikuri
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-21
Updated: 2017-11-22
Packaged: 2018-09-10 19:00:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 29,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8929159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MangaBitch/pseuds/MangaBitch
Summary: Elsa Beltz was the most feared recruit of the 105th survey core recruits. While admired for her haunting appearance; her personality scared others. However she carries a dark secret of her past that caused her to become who she is; but would be able to handle her scars?





	1. More than just a pretty face

**Author's Note:**

> I would like to point out the OC was not molested or raped; but she did suffer a horrific childhood causing her to hate the world and develop trust issues. This fic will have adult themes later on and slavery will be hinted in later chapters concerning the OC
> 
> If you are not an adult I would suggest you not read this; as when I reveal OC's backstory in future it will not be pretty (Image contained is what OC looks like)

 The sun beamed down in the sky over the training camps. Today the survivors from Shiganshina and other recruits stood before the drill sergeant. They had come from every surrounding village simply to help fight the titans. Some from the outer wall, others from the inner walls; regardless they had all come to provide their skills to the core.

Eren, Mikasa and Armin the trio of friends had all joined the core together. While Mikasa had natural skill in her blood; Eren ran off pure determination and revenge. However Armin simply worked off intellect and intuitiveness.

"You have all come here for one thing and one thing only. To provide yourselves as future aid to fighting the titans" Shadis yelled sharply. Here proved your worth and skill to aiding the titans; anyone who couldn't take the pressure would quit and become field workers.

However the rare few who could take the training would go onto the join either the military police or the Survey core in an aid to fight the titans. "Look at you all with your straight faces; think you're all hot shit huh? Well listen up pipsqueaks. In here vs out there is VERY different!" Shadis spat abruptly.

Here was nothing; simply training your skills until you became one of the top ranking students. Once you were beyond here and fighting titans for real; did you learn where you stood. Shadis walked through the crowds of separated trainee's looking them up and down quietly. Some showed promise; others looked completely useless and would not make it through one day.

He frowned menacingly; had things really come to this. Compared to all the other hundreds of squads they had really hit the bottom of the barrel. Were there no other promising students to become soldiers? God damn the choices were slim and quite a few looked god damn pathetic in his eyes.

More than a few would most likely end up in the potato fields; he could practically smell the fear in their eyes. Hell he could smell it in the air; bunch of god damn wet pussy ass brats. If they could barely stand up to him; how could they face titans?

He stopped before a blonde soldier; his hair was cropped and he was the smallest of them all. If anything he looked like the bastard son of He-Man after a long night. "YOU SOLDIER?!" Shadis shouted suddenly. The boy straightened and became tensed; obviously hadn't expected to be attacked first "What's your name boy? Shadis raged impatiently.

"Armin Arlert sir!" Armin answered back loudly. Given this man's temper he would do well not to piss him off. He would hate to think what this guy was capable of should someone try their luck being cocky.

"You look like a dwarf had sex with a homoerotic superhero! What's a Shorty like you doing in the core?" Shadis taunted brashly. Hell this brat would be lucky if he managed to get past training with his size. He would be fast no doubt but he could be easily lost. If a Titan grabbed him nobody would notice.

Armin hesitated "To contribute to humanity's survival sir!" Armin yelled back bravely. He knew he wasn't as powerful as the others; but god damn would he try. He may have been small; but he was a god damn fighter.

"You think someone like you could help us? What could a girly boy like you do for humanity's cause? You think Titans like pretty boys?!" Shaddis raged back. Did he think if he batted his eyes they wouldn't kill him?

"I may be short sir and I'm not as strong as the others. But I am by no means an idiot!" Armin replied quickly. At age 10 he had surpassed his friends and other villagers as far as intellect. He had only grown smarter with age.

Shaddis grabbed his head and turned him away quietly "Smartass huh? Let's see how long you last in training" he retorted before walking away. He marched and yelled at other recruits yelling at a few now and again. Some were able to breathe easy knowing that he would not pass by them.

He eventually came to a short dark haired boy with freckles. The boy was smiling out of pure fear. "What's your name freckles? You look awfully happy for someone whose about to fight man eating giants!" Shadis yelled back loudly.

"Marco Bodtt sir! I can't wait to become a soldier and fight for the king sir. It would be a great honour to fight for the sake of humanity!" he replied fearfully a smile plastered on his face. He would never show just how scared he was; while he was scared shitless he would never show his true intimidation.

"Well looks like we got a dreamer; what makes you think a sunshine ass-kisser like you could get under the kings belt?!" Shadis retorted mockingly. Many dreamed about fighting under the king's aid and being in the police squad; however only the best were picked for such thing. As expected it came with all the perks but was frowned upon by many.

"I...um..." Marco stammered nervously. He had dreamed of doing so since he was young; working alongside his best friend Jean. However he sometimes doubted if such a thing was ever possible.

"Listen here freckles McGee; you may think you're cut out but let me tell you. I eat goody goodies like you for breakfast. Until I think your worth shit; then I'd give up that dream boy!" Shadis retorted coldly and walked on.

Marco frowned quietly after he left sadness filling his heart. While he knew this was to be expected as a soldier. It didn't make him any less upset hearing such hurtful things from his sergeant.

He then approached his best friend Jean; while he could come across as a narcissistic prick with a boot up his ass. He was actually a really sensitive and caring guy once you got past his layers. "HOW ABOUT YOU HORSE FACE?" Shadis spat coldly. His face was very long but in no way resembled a horse; but he was a bit stuck up for a teenager. Bet he'd been babied all his life; pansy ass little shit.

"I want to serve in the police sir! So I can live out a respectable career!" Jean responded bluntly. Only the best of the best served in the police squad; but it also meant living in the inner walls and where attacks were lessened. If he could keep his family safe; he didn't mind the reputation.

Suddenly he was met with a head butt to the skull causing him to fall to his knees and grip his head in pain. He felt like he had just been thrown at a brick wall head on with the force of a cannon.

"Let me guess boyo; you want a respectable life with no regrets huh? Well let me tell you; kissing ass gets you nowhere son! Here we can see right through the bullshit and beat that out of you sooner than you can say fuck me!" Shadis snapped coldly.

Suddenly a cold chuckle was heard somewhere in the crowd. It was most definitely female and sounded mocking towards both Jean and Shadis. Whoever had let the laugh escape had balls of steel. _Nobody_ under his training laughed under his eye; he would beat that right out of them before they could say "bobs your uncle"

He looked around to see a girl no older than 15 to 16 years of age. She had eyes the colour of blood and chest length hair. It was pitch black with purple highlights running through it. By standards for age she was stunning; she would no doubt be stealing hearts in no time during her training period.

She was not that much taller than jean reaching at a 5'6" in height and a 32C in chest size. As far as appearance she was rather stunning; but her expression was cold and hard; hinted with a smirk aching to appear.

Shadis left Jeans side slowly leaving the cadet sprawled on the floor gripping his aching head. He approached the girl slowly to challenge her brave sense of cockiness of seeing another soldier in pain.

"Something funny Cadet?" he hissed coldly. Did she think she was out of the woods? That she was safe from his wrath. Teacher may have ignored hr bitchiness but he sure as hell didn't. He didn't let any snarky, uptight fucker get past him; they all were beaten into fighters.

"Just his ego sir" the girl stated bluntly. She could tell off the bat that he had never suffered a day in his life. Thus he could easily brag and act better than his fellow trainee's. Lucky bastard.

Shadis huffed in amusement; she definitely had balls but she also had sarcasm. That wouldn't last long here; unless she kept her bossiness "Seems to me like you got yourself an attitude missy; what's your name soldier?!" he ordered sharply.

The girl slammed her fists against her chest quickly "Elsa Beltz sir! Age 16!" she said proudly her tone fearless. The surname was from her fathers side and she was named Elsa by her mother. Oh the irony that she had been named by 2 of the worst people she could have ever imagined.

"Well aint that cute! We got ourselves a wannabe princess! You think titans will kiss your ass like everyone has your whole life?! Well think again little girl!" Shadis taunted coldly. She was probably used to getting what she wanted with that attitude; well not here.

A cold anger snapped through her eyes and a look of hatred filled Elsa's eyes. She looked up into Shadis eyes with the look of a primal beast. She wasn't afraid of this uptight stone cold fossil.

For once in his life Shadis felt actual fear in his blood; her eyes were the same as a beast locked in a cage. Ready to kill without hesitation; but holding back for the sake of sanity and survival. It was both frightening and intimidating at the same time; but also quite amazing.

He smirked in amusement "That's quite a look there Miss Beltz; tell me you act that way in front of mummy and daddy" he hissed mockingly. While he was intimidated he would not be beaten by a mere trainee with a bit of attitude.

Without hesitation Beltz raised her knee and hit Shadis straight in the crotch before he could think. His face went into pure shock and he actually went stiff for a few minutes threatening to fall over. He hadn't been hit that hard in years; but never once in the groin and never by a woman.

He lost his sight for a few minutes blacking out and going silent for a long time. A few other male trainee's grabbed their crotches and made painful sounds of gratitude. He could only imagine they felt lucky not be him right now; and that was understandable for any male regardless of age.

" _You don't scare me; I've seen hell that none of the fuckers could even imagine"_ Elsa taunted darkly. The very images of her past, every memory, ever second; all the physical and emotional scars that had pained her. There was very little that could scare her anymore; she was no longer innocent.

Shadis eventually regained his sanity after the ache of his jewels from her impact. He glared at her and re-positioned himself quietly. He towered over her menacingly his eyes filled with a frightening rage.Many other cadets filled with fear and more than enough sweat ran down their heads. She was in for it now; she was so fucked. While they admired her bravery; nobody went against Shadis and got away safely.

"I like you cadet; you have more balls than most of your pathetic team members here. Keep that up and you may just become a useful weapon" he sneered wickedly. This girl had the eyes of a beast and radiated pure intense survival instincts. She showed no fear or hesitation; she acted on her instincts and didn't show signs of backing down.

He then walked away his groin still aching but an impression well left. He would not punish her; but he would make her train harder than the others tomorrow. Her self defense training, 3D gear, forest hiking and titan fighting would be harder than anyone else's.

_**Later that evening** _

Elsa sat quietly at a table by herself eating her soup; she wasn't a huge people person and didn't trust others easily. The last time she allowed herself to trust someone; two people close to her betrayed her. She would never make such a mistake again; for it would simply cause her more trouble.

Staying away from others, isolating herself and looking out for herself was the best way to be. She could protect herself from being hurt, no being held back, no losses and no problems. Safest way to be; and the easiest too.

"Excuse me?" a nervous voice said. She looked up to see a short blonde boy, a dark haired girl and a brown haired boy standing before her. The girl was blank faced, the brown one looked pissed off and the blonde looked nervous.

Elsa clicked her teeth and sighed heavily "Do what you want" she muttered crossly. She had hoped to eat her meal in peace and then relax in her bunk and read; but sadly things had taken an unwanted turn.

The three sat down at the table quietly joining her. No doubt her actions earlier had gotten her an unwanted fan club. She hated these kinds of people; because they set unrealistic ideas of what the person was like. They never bothered to get to know the person at all.

"So um...your name is Elsa right?" the blonde boy said awkwardly. She sure was intimidating for someone who was only a year older than them. However appearances were often deceiving such as with Eren.

Elsa raised her eyebrow suspiciously "What of it? You trying to ask me out pretty boy? Cos it looks like you would have better chance asking one of your own gender" she mocked venomously. There was no doubt in her mind that he and these two were going to ask to hang out with her. Then would come the ass kissing and unwanted attention; which she would rather avoid.

The blonde looked hurt and stunned by her response; he was only trying to be nice. It seemed her behaviour towards Shadis earlier hadn't just been a form of defense. She really was like that to her core.

Eren shot up from his chair angrily; nobody spoke like that to his friends. Why was she being such a bitch to someone who was being nothing but polite? He hated people who treated others like they were nothing.

Elsa simply looked up at him coldly her eyes unwavering. Seems this little shortie was a bit of a hothead; how interesting. However she wondered what he would look like when he was truly afraid and crying like a bitch.

"You take that back! Armin was only being nice! How can you speak to him like that?!" Eren snapped defensively his tone filled with rage. Nobody insulted people he cared about and got away with it. A few of the other cadets stared at the show but didn't move. A few others whispered but he took no notice. They were all used to Eren's impulsive temper by now; but it didn't mean they didn't enjoy the show.

Elsa's eyes became hard and angry; she glared at Eren menacingly "What good does being kind do? Humans are so easily able to lie and manipulate their own kind! What makes you think I should trust any of you when you obviously came here to learn tricks to help you pass?!" She spat angrily her tone defensive.

She knew out of these three the girl was the most skilled; it came to her as naturally as water. There was no doubt she would pass in the top ranks when it came to the training. However her two friends were holding her back; if she just ditched them she could easily climb the ranks.

The blonde lacked any form of physical strength whatsoever; he was so obviously taken advantage of it was laughable. However as far as intellect went; he was academically brilliant. However it would take more than just brains to beat a titan.

Then there was Mr Hothead himself. He showed no fear or state of backing down. Hell he was more of a beast than she was; pure survival and determination. However he let his pride and rage control him; instead of thinking intuitively he let his rage get the better of him.

However those sorts of things would get you killed out there; hell she didn't doubt in a fight that the girl would be the one to survive. She had no interest in people like that; because they only wanted her for the sake of her skills.

Eren clicked his teeth angrily; this girl was such a bitch. Granted he wasn't the easiest person to get along with; but he never acted like she did off the bat. They hadn't even done anything wrong.

Elsa huffed crossly "You gonna stand there all night big guy or sit down and eat. Then again I'll probably be done soon so I can get some head space" she said coldly. For someone not that much older than her; he certainly acted like a brat.

Eren growled angrily then sat down in his seat again. He was so filled with rage right now that if anyone started on him he'd probably beat the shit out of them. However for the sake of his friends and not attracting Shadis; he was keeping it together. But what he did know was; he didn't like this girl's attitude.


	2. Suspicions

Elsa sat curled up on her bed quietly her head bowed low. She hated these trainee's and their happy go lucky personalities. They had no idea what they were getting themselves into. Hell she had seen the amount of people who had left on the potato carts for the fields. Not everyone could handle the stresses of becoming a core member.

They were being used as future fodder for cannibalistic giants that looked like fucked up humans. Yet they treated it like some kind of honour; what was the honour in being trained into food? The only valuable asset they were learning here was how to protect yourself from them. Only those who joined the core had any hopes of surviving in the future. Anyone who remained living behind the walls was dead if the Titans broke in.

She laughed quietly at the irony. Humans would do anything for means of survival; no matter how awful the situation was. Her parents had showed that very well. It was true; survival brought out the worst in people.

They had no problem in using and hurting others for their own gain. As long as they could survive and were left alone they would degrade themselves to do whatever they were asked of. Hell they would involve family and close friends for the sake of saving their own asses no matter what the cost may be.

She was broken out of her thoughts by someone approaching her. "Um...excuse me?" a hesitant voice asked from beside her. It was the voice of another girl. Someone younger than her at that given her tone.

Elsa looked up quietly her red eyes piercing through the veil of her dark hair. She saw a short blonde girl with big blue eyes standing beside her. She recalled the girls name was Krista Lens; and was very kind and sweet to everyone. Her personality and cute looks made every man in the core want to marry her.

"What?" Elsa snapped coldly her voice filled with annoyance. Couldn't people just leave her alone? Did everyone want something of her? She just wanted to spend her evening in peace and go to bed; she had no interest in mindless chitchat.

Christa hesitated then said "Are you ok? I was worried from your position that you had a stomach ache or something" Krista asked worriedly. Elsa had been curled up in the corner quietly for a long time since dinner. She had ignored everyone else and simply kept to herself making a few others worry.

Elsa sighed crossly "If I did I would deal with it myself. I'm not a child" she retorted sternly. In life you had to worry about looking after yourself. Relying on others became futile when the ones you trusted turned on you like beasts. Then nobody could help you but yourself.

Krista looked at her in surprise then laughed awkwardly "I see; well just let someone know if something is wrong" she said quickly before walking away. From the corner of her eye Elsa saw Ymir glaring at her coldly.

Elsa clicked her teeth crossly. Why were people always interfering in her life? They always seemed to want to try and get close to her for their own motives. "I hate them...I hate them all" she muttered quietly curling up in a tighter ball and placing her head on her knees.

_**Meanwhile in boys dorm** _

"Hey you guys hear about that new recruit? The one that owned Shadis?" Connie chirped his face full of excitement. Nobody had ever stood up to Shadis before no matter how much they hated him or how much he annoyed them. Going against him was like asking for a death wish.

"The one with the shitty attitude?" Eren grumbled crossly. He would never allow someone to insult his friends. She was in the same situation as the rest of them; she was no one of great importance. She wasn't any different than them; she didn't shit gold bricks or have pixie farts.

Jean scoffed "Like you can talk about attitude Yeager" he muttered crossly. Of all the cadets here Eren was a 100 percent asshole with douche-bag tendencies. Compared to his annoying ass Elsa was pretty tame compared to his temper.

"Same for you horseface!" Eren snapped back angrily. God how come Jean had to have an answer for everything? He always had to have the last word and never learned to shut his mouth.

"What was that shit-stain?!" Jean snapped furiously butting heads with Eren his mouth curling into a growl. He was so sick of Eren acting like a know it all. It was fine for him; he had Mikasa looking out for him 24/7.

"Hey guys take it easy; its late we're tired I get it" Armin soothed nervously. The last thing they needed was Shadis kicking their asses for being up late. He wouldn't be able to sleep with that face haunting his nightmares.

"Oi settle down; you want murder man Shadis to hear us?" Connie hissed sharply. Why was it Jean and Eren couldn't be in the same room without killing each other? They really needed to pick their fights elsewhere.

Jean and Eren glared at each other then sat down huffing crossly. They were still gonna be mad at each other for a long time; bit they would take it out elsewhere. If they kept it up now they would end up on stable duty.

Connie cleared his throat "Ok as I said before; what do you guys think of that new recruit Beltz?" he asked curiously. He himself found her intriguing if not somewhat intimidating.

"She has pretty eyes; but she is really scary" Armin said nervously. When he first met her he was somewhat intimidated by her glare. It had taken all his personal strength not to shit himself with fear.

"She has a shitty attitude even if she is good looking" Eren stated bluntly. It didn't matter how good looking a person was; if they had a bad personality then nobody would like them. Same went for Jean too.

"I think you mix shitty with spunk Eren. And she got plenty of it" Jean stated firmly. There weren't many girls other than Annie who had that sort of attitude. They were empowered women with scary tempers and courage; but that only made them hotter.

"I hear that" Reiner called from the other side of the room. While he had briefly caught a glance at Beltz; she had left a good first impression. Maybe after a drink and some pumping himself up he could dare talking to her; if he didn't get scared off by her intense glare.

"From her name she is definitely German" Eren said thoughtfully. Her name was a dead giveaway but he knew the name was uncommon around his old home.

"As was her outfit at dinner. However it was definitely of high class fabric. So her parents got to be well off" Connie said slyly. She had been wearing a dress made of pure silk which was hard to come across in this day and age. To afford it you had to be wealthy as fuck with a background and your pockets in deep.

"Would explain her shitty attitude" Eren grumbled quietly. People who were well off showed no shame or respect for others. They were all the scum of humanity. Acting like they were better than everyone else.

"Maybe...but I don't get that from what I saw at roll call" Marco said thoughtfully. When Shadis insulted Beltz about being a princess and spoke of her parents; she had full on snapped and attacked him. Something raised suspicion as to why she was so sensitive about her parents.

Had they been abusive or patronized her by trying to make her something she wasn't? Parents who put such pressures or treated their child in such a way were the worst. She must have been really hurt by them in order to snap and lash out in such a violent manner. At least that was the impression he got.

"What do you mean?" Eren asked curiously. He had barely seen her but heard Shadis yelling. However he had caught the scene of Shadis falling to his scene in agony grabbing his crotch.

"The way she acted when Shadis called her a spoilt princess and brought up her parents. She instantly became cold and violent; which makes me think she had a bad relationship with them" Marco explained solemnly.

Jean rubbed his chin thoughtfully "Oh yeah I remember. It made me glad I wasn't Shadis; even if the fucker gave me a sore head" he said with a sense of relief. He felt his groin mentally hurt from the memory.

Every guy in the room shuddered at the thought of their prized jewels being in the same position. God they were glad they weren't Shadis; no man had to go through that. Being kicked in the balls was like being punched in the stomach in the hardest way possible; leaving you mentally scarred.

"So what?...she got daddy issues?" Connie said sarcastically. People like that ended up having the weirdest kinks due to such trauma; even if they didn't show it. Girls that liked to get freaky were the hottest.

"More like authority issues" Jean scoffed. From the minute she made her presence known; she had made it clear she followed the beat of her own drum. She didn't take shit from anyone.

Eren curled up his eyes filled with confusion "Yeah but that raises the question? What happened to her to cause her to hate authority and males so much?" he pondered curiously.


	3. Partners maybe?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elsa became intuitive and learned to survive on primal instinct due to living alone for so long. Thus she learned to fight and attack based on primal instinct unlike normal fighting abilities.
> 
> This gives her an upper hand and can read people better than most. She can predict their moves and outcomes of when they attack her; thus why she beat Eren so easily.
> 
> However Jean played the wild card and attacked on her weaknesses (her brief openings) thus being able to somewhat beat her.

Elsa loomed outside wearily her head bowed slightly allowing her long blackish purple hair to tumble over her face. The sun was bright and hurt her eyes; she preferred the shadows. It was quiet, safe and nobody could hurt you; the light was what caused her to suffer because it brought truths that nobody wanted to see. It had shown her the truth of what her parents had truly felt about her.

She clicked her teeth at the bitter memory. She would never forgive them for as long as she lived; they may have made up for their sins but she would continue to hate them for as long as she lived.

"Oi Beltz!" a loud voice yelled loudly snapping her out of her thoughts. She clicked her teeth again and turned to face them. Why was everyone here so fucking loud? Did they enjoy being annoying? Reiner Braun, Eren Yeager, Jean Kirstein, Connie Springer and Annie Leonhart had appeared in a group. They were obviously going to training and they wanted her to go with them.

Usually she would ignore them and go alone; but then she would miss the chance to humiliate them. To show them what she was capable of other than nut kicks. Besides she had some beef with Eren for bothering her the other night when she wanted to be alone.

Life was about survival, pure instinct and the will to fight back. To overcome your weakness and grow stronger; to show weakness you were lowering your guard. You had to remain diligent at all times. To stay alone you suffered less. Nothing and nobody could hurt you, your suffered no setbacks and only had to look after yourself. Nothing got in your way and nobody had to hold you back.

"We're off to training; its self defense today. Wanna show us what you're made of?" Connie urged excitedly. He had been dying to see what she was capable of since her attack on Shadis. It was clear she had skill but was keeping it to herself for the sake of not drawing attention.

Elsa raised an eyebrow but then realized if she scared them off they would no longer bother her. She could continue to spend time alone and no longer be bothered by them. She smiled coldly "Sure; If you feel you have the balls" she retorted mockingly her red eyes glinting with mischief. She found their bravery amusing; thinking they had a chance against her.

These guys didn't know what they were in for. She had been looking after herself for the past 7 years without anyone to care for her. During that time she had to learn many skills just to stay alive.

Eren clicked his teeth angrily; he had learned a lot in terms of fighting from Annie. He would give this stuck up bitch a run for her money; then she wouldn't act so high and mighty.

_**In training rings** _

"H…How….I….Annie…trained me…." Eren muttered hesitantly his voice a state of disbelief. Annie was one of the best combat fighters in the core next to Mikasa; how was she able to beat him? He had rushed at her with the knife only for her to dodge and chop him in the back of the neck stunning him and trip him via kicking his leg. He had ended up being tripped onto his back and hitting his head on the floor.

Elsa straightened up her red eyes looming at him coldly. His attack form had been good but he focused too much of his energy into rage. That was all well and good in a heat of the moment; now or never. But it would also get you into trouble and allow you to get beaten easily by stronger enemies.

His mentality was wide open allowing her to attack him so easily. If he only kept a strong guard he would have had a slight advantage. So she had easily found weakness and beaten him.

"You really think by attacking me with pure rage is enough? You were wide open anyone could have beaten you" she retorted sternly. His fighting stance was awful and he lacked any core strength. To find pure strength you had to be at one with yourself not only mentally but physically.

Eren clicked his teeth sulkily; for a moody bitch she did have skill. He knew he could learn from her but he found her personality too stuck up. He would never be able to stand her outside their brief meetings.

The other guys who had thought about fighting her were now backing off. She had moved so fast before Eren could even touch her that they were scared. Her attack had come out of nowhere but still worked effectively. Whatever she was, whoever she learned from; she certainly had skills. Her abilities rivaled that of Annie AND Mikasa; which was not something that was common in the training camps.

Elsa turned to face the other male recruits her eyes blank and stern. They stiffened and tried to avoid eye contact as shivers ran down their spines. God were they all wussies around powerful women? "So any of you guys wanna try?" she questioned bluntly. They had all been so cocky before; where had the fire gone? Couldn't they handle her female empowerment? God what babies!

Connie swallowed nervously; he was a good fighter but he would be down in 5 minutes. He didn't want to suffer any injuries today. If he went against Beltz he would be sore for days. "I…I um…I kind of promised to train with sash today" he muttered quietly and wondered off to find Sasha. No way in hell was he going to fight her; unless he wanted to suffer serious injuries.

Reiner swallowed; he was good but not as good as her. Hell he could barely hold his own against Annie when serious. "I…I'll watch and take notes" he retorted awkwardly. He was actually very good at mentally taking in battle strategies which he added to his own fighting technique. Yes he looked like a coward; but at least he wasn't stupid enough to fight this girl.

Eren growled angrily under his breath. First Annie now this Elsa girl; was he just the ass kicking dummy?! He bet all the other guys were gonna laugh at him for this later.

Jean swallowed nervously. He was scared of what she could do but was eager to learn; hell at least he could say he tried. And if he did magically beat her he could taunt Eren for it later. "I…I'll take a shot" he answered uneasily. If Eren started on him he could say he was the first one to go down. That way he wouldn't be able to chew his ass about it as much.

Elsa raised her eyebrow impressed; he was slightly taller than her at 5'9" which gave him an advantage slightly. But she was around the same height as that Braus girl the buzz headed kid had talked about earlier (5'6").

She watched him approach then got into fighting stance. She was interested to see what he had got in him; he seemed to be confident enough. But did he have what it took to go against her; he could just be all talk.

There was a long silence between them Jean getting into fighting stance then closing his eyes for at least 10 minutes. The tension in the air was so strong you could smell it. Eventually Jean ran at her with the knife; Elsa gripped his right arm stopping his attack. He then kicked her leg causing her to trip but she punched him in the jaw using her other leg for balance.

He fell backwards pulling her with him as she still had his arm. There were a few loud cries and an OOF sound made as they hit the dirt floor. A semi large dirt cloud filled the air as they hit the ground with heavy impact.

Jean grumbled crossly as his head rang with pain. It hadn't hurt too much but his head was a little sore. She certainly was stronger than she looked but he had kept up a little. He was pretty impressed by her fighting abilities.

He looked up and just about had a heart attack. In his fairness he was a healthy 15 year old male and puberty was attacking him hard and fast. So of course being around girls was awkward. Elsa had fallen on top of him; her legs in a running shape on top of his own. Her right hand still gripped to his arm and scraped a little from the ground. However if she cleaned it up it would be fine and not get infected.

Her left arm was laid across his chest and over his shoulder hitting the dust. Her face was very close to his and her red eyes gleamed in his own hazel ones like red jewels. Up close they were even prettier; glowing red like blood and shiny like the waters surface.

He could feel her healthy C cup breasts pressed into his chest and she smelled very nice. Her hair was very silky and she was indeed very good looking. Despite her scary temper and loner attitude; she was a very attractive girl.

She winced crossly frowning at him but not saying a word. She was grateful that he had unintentionally broken her fall. He wasn't bad for a rookie; he had promise which said more than Yeager.

"I…um…that is…I didn't…" Jean stammered shyly his cheeks beginning to heat. He wasn't used to being around girls; so he always got really shy. On top of that if they were pretty he got intimidated because he didn't know what to say to them.

Elsa blinked at him then sighed heavily and got up slowly. It was an accident; no big deal right? Its not like it meant to happen; shit happens right? No grudges bared. She got up slowly then helped Jean to his feet. He gratefully took her hand and then they dusted themselves off quietly. Since clean clothes were low due to shortages; they had to dust off and try look tidy.

She looked at him quietly a look of impression on her face. He wasn't bad; sure he needed to polish his skills but he showed potential; more than Yeager at least. So there were potential fighters in the core. "You're not half bad; could use some work but you show promise" Elsa stated casually as she checked herself for dust.

At least it would prove to make some interesting fights in the future. While he wasn't as strong as her (yet) he certainly showed intuition and the ability to think on his feet. If he harnessed those skills he could definitely learn how to fight and stand his own.

Jean blushed all over again; he had never received a compliment before. He was used to being insulted or nobody listening. he felt quite flattered that a _girl_ was complimenting him. "Um…Thanks...Miss Beltz" he said shyly trying to sound awkward. He didn't want to sound rude by using her first name. He barely knew her apart from the odd glances and the brief encounter when Shadis got nutted.

Elsa smiled and laughed quietly; at least he had manners when he needed them. It seemed he wasn't used to speaking to girls; how cute. She had the feeling he had no sisters due to his awkwardness around her. She held out her hand to shake his "Please call me Elsa; that was a good fight…?" she questioned waiting for his name. It would help the next time she sparred him or they got into conversation.

She wasn't one for conversation but this guy seemed tolerable. He wasn't as boring as he appeared and he was semi tolerable when embarrassed. At least he wasn't being a mouthy git when he was shy.

Jean blinked then held out his own hand to shake hers "Kirstein; Jean Kirstein" he replied quickly his tone somewhat anxious. One of the prettiest girls in the core (next to Mikasa) was talking to him. He felt like Karma was finally giving him some much needed love.

Elsa shook his hand and smiled warmly "Nice to meet you Jean. If you don't mind I'd like to brawl with you again" she retorted casually. He was certainly more interesting than Eren was; he thought on his feet instead of lashing at others. She liked that about him; she found it intriguing.

The bell then sounded for showers so they could use the bathrooms. They had separate ones for the sake of privacy and lack of embarrassment. That and teenage guys usually turned into sexual horn dogs around nude girls.

Connie helped Eren up while all the other trainee's walked away. However Elsa stood where she was quietly staring at Jean. He was semi attractive in her opinion; but she got the feeling he died his air given how his undercut was a different colour.

She hummed thoughtfully before contemplating on leaving "Say; you got a hair tie?" she asked hopefully. While she didn't mind her hair length; she was hoping to French braid it to keep it out of her way. It did sometimes get into her face when she was thinking or fighting. On top of that keeping it down got it greasier more easily; if she tied it back she could save time on washing her hair so often.

Jean blinked then reached to his wrist and pulled a band down from his lower arm. It had been used to tie some sacks from one of his chores. However he had one extra and held onto it just in case. He had suspected she had seen it on his arm when they were fighting.

He removed it laughing in amusement "You got a good eye; it was around my wrist before I approached you". He wondered what other senses of hers were advanced; he would love to find out.

Elsa smiled; she had seen it when he got into fighting stance. However she had not said anything and decided to ask him when the spar was over. Better not to let yourself get distracted or you left yourself open.

He handed it to her quietly to which she took it gratefully "Thanks; I've been meaning to braid it to keep it out of my way" she explained tying it around her wrist. She had been trying to find one for the past few days while doing odd jobs apart from training.

However she had no such luck and couldn't find one anywhere. Now he had unintentionally solved her problem and given he was a guy it wasn't like he would need it anyway.

Jean blushed and rubbed the back of his head awkwardly "No problem…"he replied quietly looking away. God she was so cute; he probably looked like an idiot.

Elsa nodded gratefully then walked off. It seemed that Kirstein had a soft side to him compared to the douche side he usually showed. She wondered what kind of face he would make in the future. "What an interesting guy" she chuckled gleefully her red eyes shining. So it seemed not everyone in this place was a boring carbon copy. What a refreshing change compared to earlier.


	4. Hateful feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ok so in this chapter we get a slight insight into Elsa's background
> 
> Be warned the themes are adult; so read with the caution of what you are about to read ( slight swearing)

Elsa sat quietly as Krista sorted out her hair; she wasn't exactly able to see the back of her head so she had awkwardly asked her to help her out. However she really hoped after this one favor she wasn't going to be pestering her all the time.

She was adding the finishing strands to a French braid to be tied with the band she got from Kirstein earlier. At least now she could keep her hair out of the way with training and day to day life. "All done" Krista said proudly admiring her work. Elsa really did look very cute with her hair in a braid like this. She was also really happy that unlike her usual loner attitude; she had actually approached her and asked for help.

She had been hoping for a while that she could join her friendship circle; I mean she was always alone and never spent time with other people. She kept to herself and never spoke to anyone; not even Annie Leonhart or misfit Connie Springer.

Elsa checked out her new braid quietly; it was very neat and tight. Perfect for training and keeping it out of the way. Now she would be able to fight more efficiently without it bothering her all the time. Sometimes having long hair really was a pain in the ass; but she made do using her intuition and after learning to keep it trimmed. 

Because she picked up skills quickly she would be able to figure out how to do this herself. It would take a lot of concentration but she would get there. Given all the skills she had collected over the years this would be easy to her.

Krista blushed awkwardly "You know…I was kind of happy when you asked for my help. You generally avoid people" she admitted quietly.Since she had made herself known amongst the core trainees; Elsa had avoided just about everyone who approached her. But the fact she had willingly come up to her and asked for her help made Krista happy.

Elsa looked away quietly "Don't get your hopes up; I just needed someone who could see the back of my head" she said bluntly. Just because she had asked for her help with her hair didn't mean they were suddenly friends.

She knew how easily Lenz got friends or followers; she just batted her pretty blue eyes or acted all cute and anyone did what she wanted. Ymir already wanted her ass to marry and many male recruits wanted to bone her. Given how her looks effected others Lenz could get just about anything she wanted; but she wasn't so easy to win over.

Krista looked at her sadly but just smiled to hide her disappointment. She had really hoped Elsa was trying to make friends with her for a second. She felt bad for her always being alone and thought she had finally gained some courage for a second.

Ymir growled crossly in the background; while she herself was cynical and cold tempered she would never approve of anyone hurting her Krista. It didn't matter the gender of the person; fuck with her Krista and you were dead.

Elsa saw her look but ignored it; she was just acting bitchy because the person she liked was being talked down to. She huffed mentally; love was trivial, it was a lie. It was an act or trick you used to get people to do what you wanted and gain their trust.

She got up from her bed and left her quarters quietly. She was wearing her black dress again making her look like a rich girl. She had a feeling that the reason people hated her was because her clothes were better quality. Before she killed her parents she had lived near the inner walls after all; so her life had been easier.

However, the life she lived before now made her feel sick; her parents had been using her since she was a child. Once she reached her preteens they had a more awful future for her to live; for the sake of money.

_**Flashback** _

" _NOOOO! Mama! Papa! Where am I? Help me!" Elsa screamed desperately as she thrashed around. Her left foot was chained to the wall and she was somewhere she didn't know; last things she remembered she was at home getting water when she was grabbed._

_She was locked in a cell in a small dark, dank room. There was one window in the corner and the light barely shone in. It smelled disgusting and there was dirt, filth and god knows what on the floor._ _It was like something out of a nightmare that you would keep an animal in. The worst kind of atmosphere you could think of; blood and filth covered the walls making her feel worse with every passing second._

_She would get cold in here; hell the pillow was fucked and all she had was a thin blanket for a cover. It wouldn't keep her warm like the soft sheets back home or quilts she had on her bed at night._ _She was wearing a simple white spring dress; good quality given she was living in the inner wall after all. It had short sleeves and reached her lower calves giving her an innocent look._

_Two men stood outside the cell quietly leering at her. Their eyes menacing and filled with evil and wicked intent towards the young girl. God they had really gotten a good deal off her parents for this one._

" _She's a young one; not quite grown up yet but once she hits puberty she'll be a good fuck" they laughed hungrily. They were always the easiest to train at this age; you could ingrain the skills and manipulate them better at this age._

_Elsa was 13; still a child but developing into a girl. Her breasts were starting to grow and not long ago she had started something her mother called "A period". All she knew was it hurt and she bled from between her legs._ _She shivered fearfully but held her ground clenching her fists "Who are you?! Where are my parents?!" Elsa demanded adamantly her eyes stinging. She wanted to go home right now; where it was safe and it was familiar._

_The two men laughed mockingly; she really was innocent to her situation. This made it all the more fun to watch her suffer. She had no idea just how shitty her parents were or what they had done._ " _You don't get it do you brat?" the first one mocked deviously his eyes filled with glee. God her parents were rat bastards; but they really couldn't have ever loved her if they were so willing to sell her like this._

" _Eh?" she questioned in confusion. Was there something going on that she didn't know about? Why was she here? What did they want with her? They were scaring her._

" _Your ours now; your parents sold you for a shit tonne of money. Guess they only gave birth to you for financial gain" he mocked cruelly. Kids were essentially pack mules in some of the districts; born simply to do slave work._

_The two men then walked off quietly leaving the young girl alone with her thoughts and despair. Her sanity and knowledge of the world slowly crumbling into darkness and hatred._

_This was a lie right? Her parents hadn't actually paid for this to happen?! They hadn't actually sold her as a prostitute at this age right?!_ _Didn't they love her? Didn't they care about her? Wasn't she their precious child?!_ _Her eyes darkened and her body began to shake with fear, rage and heart break. Had they truly only brought her into the world for this?! They had never actually cared about her?!_

_**Now** _

Elsa felt a sick feeling come over her and hatred fill her body. Thinking of what her parents did; how they so easily betrayed their own child for the sake of money. The fact that her life before then had been a lie preparing for that one moment.

She had never been born for love; only financial gain. They were already rich enough as it was; but they wanted more. They were greedy bastards and meant to use her to gain more cash. "This world is rotten…all of them are rotten" Elsa muttered quietly under her breath as she exited the barracks. The world dripped with sin, evil, hatred and lies; it was ugly and hateful; nothing was beautiful in this world.

A person could smile, seem kind and do anything for you with seemingly good intentions. You could have known them for god knows how long but it meant nothing. It didn't matter how much you thought you could trust them.

Because it was all a lie; once the mask came off you saw everything. You saw the truth and what they were really like. The evil person underneath who was poisonous and owned a silver tongue.

You could trust nobody but yourself; you were the only person you could rely on. Because the people around you could turn on you just like that. She could easily stab you in the back and act like it was nothing at all; even your own family.

She clicked her teeth and marched into the night air quietly not fazed by the temperature. It was late spring so the temperature was very warm. Reasonable weather to be out in at this time of night.

What she hated most about all these damn recruits was how _happy_ they were. They were being trained to kill titans and yet they acted like it was a game; playful, cheerful and happy.

They could die at any moment yet they were still acting like this was the best life choice ever. They were still going to get eaten either way if they treated it like a game. She knew all too well on how to fight the titans and physical enemies. She knew how to take down enemies taller than her, larger than her and bigger than her.

However, she didn't just awaken oh no; this power had been building in her for years. When she sensed danger as a child or unsafe; her primal desires made themselves known to protect her. When she was put in danger and put in that awful place by her parents. When they sold their child to a miserable lifestyle for money; the beast inside her snapped and chaos escaped her body like the devil.

She leaned against the barrack walls quietly her face pale and sickness filling her. The bad memories made her feel ill and she felt disgusting. That hate inside that she felt when Shadis insulted her started to brew. She wanted to hurt something, anything; just to vent her dark feelings.

"Hey are you ok?" a worried voice asked suddenly. Shit…she had been caught in a bad memory; now the questions would start. They would ask her about her feelings and what made her like this; which she would rather avoid.

She looked behind her to Sasha standing behind her carrying bread. While it was uncommon to see her interested in anything but food; she genuinely looked worried about her. "I…Its nothing…go away" Elsa muttered weakly. Her head hurt and she wanted to cry; god why did she have to remember now. She had been fine up until now; she hadn't an attack for the past 3 months.

Sasha stood firm her face adamant "You look like you're going to puke" she responded bluntly. She seemed fine earlier in training; was it something she ate? From what she knew the food had been fine.

"FUCK OFF!" Elsa snapped angrily only for her to clutch her mouth as nausea filled her. She wanted to throw up; she wanted to cry. God she hated her memories so fucking much. Her anger obviously caught the others attention because in no time a few more female cadets came outside. They were ready to confront her when they saw her appearance and became worried.

"Elsa is something wrong?!" Krista asked anxiously. Why hadn't she said something earlier? She looked awful; like seriously, seriously sick. Just what had happened to her in such a short period of time?

Ymir felt like taunting her for being a bitch; but then she was no saint herself. She could see Elsa really did look like shit; like she had seen hell. She was pale as a ghost, sweating, her eyes filled with many emotions and her body was shaking like a leaf.

"What's going on here? I don't recall allowing sleepovers in training" Shadis growled looming in the background. God how was it teenagers acted so disobedient despite the seriousness they lived in?

The other female cadets shivered; they all knew from experience _not_ to fuck with Shadis. However so far Beltz had been the only one to stand up to him and live to tell the tale.

"It's Beltz sir; I don't know what's wrong with her" Krista responded anxiously. Even if he was scary; Shadis couldn't ignore his students. It was his job to take care of them until they were out of his care.

He approached quietly his expression and composure still terrifying. So the beast was snapping? Guess even scary creatures had a weakness. When he saw her expression he felt a sense of concern flash inside him. This wasn't just sickness she was expressing; but fear, the desire to survive.

She had the look of someone that had seen murder, lived through a rape, or seen a fucking ghost. She had pure fear and hatred in her eyes to the point even Shadis felt worried for her sanity.

"I'll have her sent to medic for the night. You cadets get to sleep; you got a long day ahead of you" he said firmly. He took Beltz from Sasha quietly leading the girl away. She was in such a state she was staggering; it made him wonder what the fuck had happened to her.

Even with her actions from earlier and somewhat cold, distant and sharp personality; she had the attitude of a very damaged person. Even he could tell from observing her over the last month she had been here.

She was touchy about the subject of her parents, she hated physical contact, she avoided others and kept to herself. She always seemed hateful and angry; like she was hurting from some deep rooted trauma.

It made him wonder just what kind of dark, fucked up torture she had lived or endured to make her hate people so much. The idea of just what kind of background she had made even him feel fear. He shook his head quietly and led her away. Now wasn't the time to think of such things; she was an efficient fighter; taking down those such as Yeager, and even Reiner was scared of her.

Her skills rivaled that of Mikasa and Annie; even mirroring Levi Ackerman in a way. It made him wonder who had trained her before she came here. However he would soon learn these things in time; right now he needed to get her back on her feet and at full peak of health.


	5. Allies....for now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So after her little attack Jean comes to visit Elsa out of concern for her well being
> 
> Due to her past Elsa has a hard time trusting people or getting close to them; but she feels safe or trusting of Jean. However her feelings for him right now are undetermined

Elsa lay quietly in the trainee medical ward. She still felt sick but she was feeling semi normal again; however, Shadis was keeping her overnight just in case. He had later suggested she get some rest and not push herself so much; saying her training was not worth messing with her mentality.

Another trainee had sent over her Pyjama's which she had changed into. Nothing girly or showy; just a long white blouse that reached her upper thigh and a pair of black boy shorts. She never had liked that sort of girly shit; she had long since thrown that side of herself away since her childhood.

Her hair was still in a braid to keep it tidy; her clothes were laid over a chair to keep them tidy and un-creased for morning. That way they looked presentable and were easier to look after; she hated messy clothes after all.

She hated how the memories from her childhood had come back to her. Even though she had gone 2 years now without anything just some unpleasant flashbacks. It was only since she came to this place that they started coming back. Since she had started to be around other people did they come back to haunt her.

" _Why now?"_ she pondered crossly to herself. Why did the scars of her past suddenly raise their ugly head now? Why after staying quiet for so long was her painful past starting to make itself known once more?

Suddenly she heard the door open and someone enter. Probably Shadis coming to see how his student was doing. Since they were under his care he was ordered to make sure no injuries or ailments went unchecked. To her surprise when the door opened she saw Jean Kirstein standing there looking hesitant with a tray of food. It was funny seeing him in his casual attire when she was more used to seeing him in uniform; he suited them.

He swallowed nervously "I…I uh…that is…if you're hungry…." He trailed off quietly. He had heard about what happened earlier from Connie who had been on a bathroom break.

While they hadn't known each other long; he was worried about her well being. She always acted so tough and distant you'd have never guessed what was bothering her. Feeling a sense of concern he had offered to take her evening meal; it would have eaten away at his conscious otherwise and just annoyed him later on.

Elsa stared at him in confusion; he didn't have to come here but he did. He had come here and brought her food when Shadis could have done it. He had no orders nor was he forced to come here; he did it out of free will.

She shook her head of these thoughts; it wasn't good to dwell on such things it would only make her feel worse. She slowly lifted her hand and pointed to the small table next to her bed. It had a chair and she could easily sit up but would have to take it easy.

Jean stared at her in confusion "What?..." she questioned awkwardly. Was she saying to just leave it on the table? Considering how Sasha had said she looked very pale and shaken needing space was not out of the question.

She sighed crossly "You, sit, now!" she retorted sharply. Did she really have to explain everything to everyone? Could nobody just take a fucking hint? Were they all simpletons who couldn't use their heads?

While she wasn't too keen on the others due to being annoying or too quirky; this guy was more tolerable and serious. He seemed more realistic and decent; less talkative too which she liked. Was it such a big deal that she was optionally asking him to keep her company because she liked his personality kind of?

Jean nodded and quickly sat at the table and placed her food down. He had been told by others she had a short temper so he did well not to annoy her. While Eren was just a pain in the ass brat kind of temper; she was truly scary so he did tend to not get on her bad side.

Elsa sighed a sigh of relief and sat up weakly. She clicked her teeth as she did so as her head still hurt a little. Every time she had flashbacks and panic attacks her head always hurt like a vice.

Jean gave her a look of concern; she didn't have to force herself if she still felt bad. Her health was more important here than anything. She didn't have to put on a good front to ease his worries.

She saw his look and shook her head "I'm fine; I just have a sore head from earlier. It's been a while since I've had something like that happen so my body is in shock" she explained firmly. She stopped having such episodes when she was 14; which was 2 years ago. She had no idea why the nightmares and panic attacks were happening now. It had taken her body quite a toll so she was very sore.

Jean looked worried "You have them a lot?" he asked curiously. He wondered what kind of past she had to suffer from something like that. He had heard that panic attacks came from deep rooted trauma of some kind; but just what had she been through to get such a thing?

Elsa shook her head "I stopped having them 2 years ago; but for some reason they started to come back after I started training" she explained firmly. She guessed the stress and being around so many people was doing it. She was used to being a loner and not being around people; so they were probably stressing her body.

Before joining the core she had spent the last four years of her life living by herself and relying on nobody but herself. Of course she wouldn't easily be able to adapt around people after spending so much time alone at such a young age. She had suddenly been thrown into a lifestyle she wasn't adapted to out of nowhere; who would act normal?

"Does anything help?" he asked worriedly. Perhaps if they got her some form of drugs they could help ease her attacks. They would help her sleep and hopefully make her attacks lessen.

"Just being alone or drinking herbal tea; they help my mind quite down and allow me to relax a little" Elsa explained quietly. While she was grateful for his concern; no amount of drugs would be able to ease the scars embedded into her heart or mind.

Being alone meant there was no noise to cause her anxiety or temper to set in; she could just have a peaceful state of mind. However, because of her current living accommodations she had to bear with it. She didn't like it but it was just the way it was; so she dealt with it as best she could even if it was hard on her.

Drinking herbal tea helped her relax mentally and allowed her to feel at ease. She no longer got panicked and helped her soothe herself a little and not snap at people. However sometimes being around people who she deemed _"too nice"_ or _"fake"_ did set her off as she they reminded her of the people who betrayed her causing her to lash out.

"I see…" Jean said in a pained tone. Perhaps she only wanted him to stay so he could report back to Shadis so he would no longer worry about her. It seemed fair as she had made herself known to not like unwanted attention or bothersome people checking up on her all the time.

Elsa saw his expression "…. However, your different" she explained bluntly picking up her tray. The food looked decent; some form of stew with bread and some herbal tea which made her happy. The last greasy meal had made her feel sick and she hadn't bothered to even eat it; the smell alone had made her stomach churn.

Jean gasped and looked at her in confusion; what did she mean different? I mean he was scared shitless like everyone else but was eager to protect his family by getting them into the inner walls. How in any way to her was he special or different than any of the other trainee's that were living in the barracks?

Elsa picked up her cup before taking a sip; she sighed pleasantly. She already felt a little better after that; she could feel herself relaxing slightly. "You don't _pretend_ like the others do. Your honest even if people hate you; you speak the truth even if people don't want to hear it" she explained bluntly.

While being a trainee she had heard Jean's retaliations to Yeager trying to act like a bad ass. How he had spoken bluntly but been honest about his opinions; even if he did look like a douche. Yes it caused fights but Yeager was just so stubborn and held his position so highly; the opinions of others suddenly made them cowards or less of a person.

He may have had some questionable ideals but his sense of honesty, pride and good fighting skills intrigued her. He showed promise and was more tolerable than the other "try hard to like me" fakers. He didn't pretend to be anything but himself and she liked that about him; he showed the real part of himself instead of pretending like the others did.

Jean blushed a little; she was saying she liked him despite coming across as a dick. He never thought anyone would actually see his good qualities apart from Marco. "A…Are you saying you _like_ me?" he questioned awkwardly. He had been crushing on Mikasa for a while now but it was obvious she liked Eren.

But here was a girl who was indeed difficult to approach but she was very beautiful and mysterious. However, he had obviously made an impression and so he would take the chance; but approach with caution. Given her temper he didn't want to do anything stupid and end up on her bad side; given she was able to take down Eren himself who ranked above him.

Elsa saw his expression; from what she knew he had a thing for Ackerman but she only had eyes for Eren. She really didn't know what that girl saw in that moody, foul mouthed pain in the ass. He did have pretty eyes but that meant nothing when it came to his personality; he was a shit head and treated his own friends like shit sometimes too.

Elsa looked down her braid tumbling down her shoulder; her red eyes intense and deep. She felt she could trust Jean but her feelings towards him were unknown for now. She gripped her cup tightly "I don't know myself. I just feel like I can trust you; you're not faking or hiding something" she explained quietly.

She followed her gut instinct on what felt right and on who to trust. She had followed it all her life and it never lied to her, and it didn't lie now about Jean. She could sense that he wasn't a bad guy and she was following what she felt was right.

Jean didn't know quite what to think. He was so used to just hanging out with Marco and occasionally Connie or Sasha. But here was a random girl who was feared in her current trainee group saying she _liked_ him.

However, those feelings were neither confirmed to be romantic or platonic. So, he was neither for the time being; but he would take allies for the time being. Hell who wouldn't say yes when a very beautiful but scary girl was telling you she trusted you?

He gripped his clenched hands together tightly "So…does this mean we're training buddies?" he asked curiously. With her help, surely he and Marco could learn some new skills to becoming stronger. Plus, they would have made a new ally who could see past his conflicting personality.

Elsa looked up at him and smiled in amusement "I guess it does" she said ironically. She hadn't really planned on it but this guy seemed trustworthy. Later she would have to choose teams on who to work alongside in the core. She would rather take Jean and Marco rather than Yeager or Lenz; they seemed far to cringey.

Jean smiled as she continued to eat her food. This girl who seemed to _hate_ everyone was now confessing she didn't mind him. She had no problem with his more outgoing and annoying side of himself and actually admired that about him.

Yes, he sounded a little like he was being prideful and big headed; but he was 15 and had no experience with talking to girls. Yet here was one optionally choosing to hang out with him of her own will.

So, what if he was happy or a proud; the only woman to have ever spoken to him was his mum. He had every right to be happy; even if he was mentally screaming with joy. But so what? Today was certainly going his way and he was loving every moment!


	6. somewhere new

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean contemplates on how Elsa feels about him and Elsa decides to make some changes

Jean lay in bed quietly his face buried in his pillow his mind wondering to his conversation with Elsa earlier. He couldn't get her words out his head; how deep yet conflicted they had been.

" _I just feel like I can trust you"_

Elsa never showed any desire to get close to anyone; going as far as to isolate herself for them or ask them for favours then leave. She never allowed herself to develop relationships with anyone. The fact that she had asked him to _stay_ while she ate dinner said a lot. She usually sat alone and scared people away with a glare. Hell, she even preferred to keep to herself before the recruits in her dorm went to sleep.

Most people who even so much as tried to speak to her for whatever reason at all came back looking terrified. They tended to avoid her after that or when they had to speak to her were always on edge. Yet here she was getting close to him or confessing she wanted to get close to him of her own free will. He had no idea about how to feel about such a thing; especially since he had a crush on Mikasa.

"Hey Jean you ok? You seem out of it" Marco asked curiously. Since he got back from speaking to Elsa after sending her dinner he had been very quiet. Seeing as Jean always had something to say about anyone or anything; this worried him slightly.

Jean nodded "Yeah just thinking" he mumbled in a serious tone. He was still wrapping the thought that Elsa the newly labelled "Ice queen" of the 105th trainees was saying she liked him.

Like many she was perceived to be the type of person who hated everyone and everything; preferring to stand alone and achieve her own goals by herself. Like an antihero of sorts; only willing to work with others if she got something out of it. However it seemed there was more to her than met the eye in this case.

Though it seemed hard to believe; from what he had learned from her during their small interactions she was a deeply complex human being. While Mikasa was a quiet individual who was hard to understand; as was Elsa. However Mikasa was able to make acquaintances and "Friends" so to speak.

Elsa had made it clear she didn't want anyone talking to her or bothering her; when anyone tried to sit with her she would glare at them to which they would quickly walk away. If they trained with her she made sure they were concentrating 100% and taking this seriously; no jokes, no talking, no nothing; which caused people to avoid her.

But once you looked past her personality she was undoubtedly a stunning girl; capable of rivaling even Mikasa. With those piercing red eyes the colour of blood or rubies that were so full of mystery and rage. And that dark hair; black as Mikasa's with brownish highlights when it hit the sun.

For her to admit she _liked_ him in some way; let alone _trusted_ him he had to have made some form of impression on her. I mean she obviously liked people who were straightforward and honest as she had explained in an odd way. From what he could guess she had an interesting taste in whom she got close to is all.

Marco was stunned by this; Jean was genuinely able to speak his thoughts a lot more loudly than others. To see him so contemplative and serious was a new thing for him. Usually Jean was more of a fuck it lets do it kind of guy when he got pissed. While he was a great tactical thinker he tended to let his temper get the best of him most of the time.

"What happened back there? I mean something had to of for you to be like this" Marco asked curiously. Had she complimented him in some way? Insulted him coldly and hurt his pride? Told him to stop pitying her and grow a pair? God he could only imagine.

Jean hesitated his expression becoming more reluctant; she had said she didn't know what her feelings were towards her only that she could trust him. "Elsa, she…. when I brought her dinner…. she…." Jean explained hesitantly. He was still confused and stunned by what she had said to him.

Barely anyone liked him; apart from Marco because they had been best friends since they were kids. However, since then he had gotten Connie and Sasha to warm up to him a little. They weren't exactly friends yet more like acquaintances and allies; however a bond was developing between them. The two oddballs were growing on him and despite their odd quirks were actually good guys.

Connie was a jokester and a mischief maker but could have his serious moments when he needed to. Sasha loved food and was open about her love for it; but she could also be serious and quite provoking (either seriously or playfully) when she wanted to be. But just in general she was a tomboy and easy to approach.

The fact that a 16-year-old girl who was a loner and acted cold and hostile towards others was now saying she _liked_ him was a pretty big deal. Considering he wasn't exactly Mr popularity himself made him feel a little happy inside that an outsider like her wanted to get close to him.

She didn't like Krista who was one of the sweetest girls amongst them. She didn't like Armin who was known for being a nice guy, she also didn't like Eren which was understandable. Out of the three; Eren was the most difficult person to be around what with his brash temper and attitude.

She tended to avoid almost everyone she came into contact with yet she was openly showing a desire to get to know him. For him to have caused her to look at him differently than others was a big deal.

"Did she get moody at you? I heard from Eren she tends to act hostile towards others" he explained reassuringly. The first day he met her Elsa had told him she didn't want company in the most deadpan and mean way possible; causing them to back off almost immediately.

Hopefully Jean didn't take it to heart; Marco knew the poor guy didn't have much look with girls. Krista was gay for Ymir, Mikasa only had eyes for Eren and Sasha was obviously into Connie. While it seemed hard to swallow; he didn't seem to be their type at all which would seem pretty disheartening.

He felt for the poor guy he really did; hopefully someday he would get a break and find a girl who would want to date him. However it seemed he would just have to wait for now I mean they were only 15 nearly 16.

Jean shook his head; sure, she had been in her usual cold self but she had openly asked him to sit with her while she ate. Even going as far to get pissed at him when he didn't do as she asked. When Eren and his friends had asked to sit with her upon their first meeting she had been really pissed off. Yet she had openly asked him while at the medical bay to sit with him to keep her company.

"She...I think she likes me" he said quietly his tone genuinely surprised. He was still trying to figure out what a cold and hostile girl like her would see in a guy like him. He was not exactly a jerk but he wasn't exactly sugar and rainbows either even Marco could vouch for that.

Marco blinked for a short while then his face became one of genuine shock. Elsa didn't like anyone; she threw just about anyone murder glares. The only reason he had never had any problems with her is because he avoided her as to prevent confrontation. He knew she liked to be alone so he respected that and left her be.

"WHAT?!" Marco cried a little too loudly to which Jean frowned. He then covered his mouth and coughed trying to cover up what just happened. For a minute he had forgotten they were in the bunks and not outside somewhere private.

A few people stared at them in confusion but knowing Jean often said things that caused him surprise; they just shrugged or talked amongst themselves. A few people were used to the antics that went on between them. He couldn't quite believe what he was hearing; Elsa Beltz someone who made even caused Keith Shadis to feel fear _liked_ Jean. He was partially on the verge of thinking this was a joke.

"You mean like as in crush like or….?" He asked curiously. There were many definitions of the word after all; but it was generally insinuated with romantic feelings. For the most part he never would have thought Elsa to be interested in anyone; hell she basically ignored half the males in their trainee group.

Jean shrugged. He honestly had no idea either; even she had said she didn't know how she felt about him only that she trusted him. She hadn't made anything else clear about her feelings or intentions towards him other than that. However, that was a pretty big deal; Marco was the only guy who seemed to trust him. So far anyone else was just an acquaintance or possible ally. I mean not many people liked him after all.

Marco moved closer gripping his pillow for comfort; he had to know more about this. He had to have made an impression on her for her to have taken a liking to him. But part of him was happy for Jean; a girl was finally trying to get close to him in some way.

Jean hesitated "She…. She said she _trusts_ me. Because I'm not fake; I don't pretend to be something I'm not. Because I'm honest" he explained. In all honesty he had half expected her to say "Your interesting" or "You amuse me" or at least something along those lines.

He was still confused as to what that meant; he just spoke his mind and even when he knew he shouldn't. He just couldn't keep his thoughts to himself even when it wasn't right to speak.

Marco blinked and smiled in amusement; it seemed someone other than him could see Jean's charm underneath that prideful personality of his. He had begun to wonder if anyone would. "Guess she and I have something in common" he chuckled fondly.

Unknown to others it seemed Elsa was very good at reading people and their secrets. That at least meant she wasn't as heartless as everyone perceived her to be; at least in his opinion anyway.

Jean blinked and looked at him in confusion; he then tilted his head to the side as he always did "Huh?" he questioned. Like always Marco was speaking in a way that he couldn't understand again; by not being straightforward.

Marco smirked "We can both see that deep down you're a good guy; despite how you act and look" he explained playfully. Though he did often let his pride get the best of him and didn't know when to close his mouth; Jean had a big heart and cared greatly for those close to him.

Jean stiffened and pouted his cheeks flushing red at the compliment "Geez; you really are a mushy shit Marco" he grumbled shyly. The stuff that came out his mouth sometimes; why didn't he just get a girlfriend with those pickup lines already?

Marco smirked and laughed again. He was happy though; that an outsider and loner like Elsa had chosen of her own free will to trust him. Because trust was not so easily earned; so Jean really had to be special in her eyes.

_ **Meanwhile** _

Elsa lay quietly wrapped in the blankets of the hospital bed. It was quiet how she liked it and nobody was around anymore. It made the dreams and memories go away; or at least settle for a while.

The other cadets had gone to their bunks; however no doubt the girls side would be loud and Sasha would be snacking or pestering people. She found it annoying and confusing how petty and annoying the other girls could be. Constantly talking about inferior stuff like boys and how pretty each other's hair was etc.

They could have been discussing things like how to improve their fighting abilities or how they thought they had all done. They could have talked about their rankings or what they planned to do from here. Which ranking they thought they would do best in and what would help improve their goals and achievements after training.

But no, they spoke of stupid and pointless subjects that annoyed and vexed her endlessly. Part of the reason she was in a foul mood was because they were constantly laughing or bothering her. They always had to come up to her and bother her quiet time; entering her personal space and not knowing when to leave her alone.

They knew nothing of how cruel life could be, how ugly it really was and the awful feeling when someone you trusted back-stabbed you. Knowing that you could rely on only yourself to survive in this world.

Suddenly the door opened and Shadis came in still appearing stern. He was surprised to see her wrapped up like a bun amongst the sheets the way she was. He had half expected her to be sat on the side of the bed with her legs curled up under her chin.

Usually this method was used when a person felt insecure and used it as means of protection or privacy. People with sensitive emotions, emotional souls or deeply hurt/traumatized individuals used this to comfort themselves.

For Beltz to do such a thing she had to have some deep secrets and a lot of demons/monsters in the closet. I mean her personality, lack of trust in others and dislike of male authority already raised some flags as it was.

Beltz peered out from her protective cocoon her blood red eyes piercing through a gap in her protective blanket den. She had already eaten and was feeling a little better; so why was he here?

"I came to check on you; seems you must be feeling ill still if you are hiding yourself" Shadis said firmly. He couldn't help but wonder if what she was feeling was mental or psychological.

Elsa sighed heavily "I like the quiet; it relaxes me. Being in loud places only makes me feel bad" she explained bluntly. It was like a barrier; keeping her from the world she hated. Where she could just think and contemplate; wondering of what she would do next or what fate had in store for her next.

Shadis was a little taken aback by this; upon observing the students he had noticed Beltz to be very introverted and isolate herself. However, she had taken a liking to the Kirstein boy for some reason. "Do you not get along with the other female trainee's?" he asked curiously. Mind you he could understand; apart from Mikasa, Ymir and herself the other female trainees were loud and often hyperactive.

Elsa nodded "It's too loud; being around them…. It…. I feel sick" she explained hesitantly. Being around them only reminded her of the fake life she lived until the ugliness of the world hit her hard in the face.

Shadis sighed heavily; he couldn't give her special treatment and give her a room of her own. She couldn't exactly live in the med ward either as other cadets would need to use it. However, if being around the other female trainees only made her feel worse; then he had to do something about it. If it helped her mental state, then so be it; it was his job to care for his students after all.

"Is there anywhere that you feel comfortable?" he asked sternly. Surely, she could go there and that would help her adapt and adjust to the people around her. She would be able to allow herself to work with and hopefully rely on those other cadets when they left his side.

Elsa blinked then crawled out of her blanket hideout slowly her head appearing from under the sheets. The light from her oil lamp glowing the room and hurting her eyes. "The boys…." she said quietly. So far, she could only tolerate Kirstein but he was a start at least; she would gladly be his bunk mate above anyone else's.

Shadis blinked and felt his face heat at that comment; putting her with a bunch of horny, preteen males was not a good idea. However, he had a feeling she would be able to keep them in line. "I take it you want to sleep in the male's dorm" he sighed crossly a feeling of awkwardness coming over him. Looks like he was going to have to have a talk with the male trainees in a bit.

At this age they could get a hard on from just about anything; a sigh, the smell of shampoo, a girls chest or a girl laughing or smiling. They were raging balls of hormones and to put it bluntly "Beasts in heat". To have a girl living with them would put a strain on them greatly.

Elsa nodded; Jean was more tolerable than the other males and she would rather stay there than another night in slumber party madhouse. She could just sit in the quiet and listen to their conversations from afar like how she would prefer in the female dorms.

Shadis closed his eyes "Very well; However, I will set up a separate changing room. It will be hard enough for them to have a girl in their space never mind see one naked" he groaned.

God help them if one tried to cross his boundaries with her; given Beltz's personality she would either break a body part, beat the shit out of them or kill them. Sop hopefully they would know to stay in line and not do something stupid unless they were wanted to get hurt or traumatized in some way.

He then left leaving Elsa to her thoughts. God this was going to be awkward and no doubt some would complain. However, he didn't very much desire going against Beltz; not with those eyes of hers.

Elsa sat alone in the quiet gazing at the burning oil lamp beside her; she had always been attracted to the flames even as a child. Their pretty colours illuminating the darkness but also showing the truth others kept hidden.

Quietly she wrapped herself in the blankets again and tuned onto her pillow facing the window. The lights from the barracks were still on and she could see the faint glow from the medical bay. "Honestly; so, annoying" she grumbled crossly. Why was it they had to stay up and talk about senseless things? Hell, from what she had overheard the guys spoke about more important things.

Sure, they talked about their crushes or girls they found appealing; but they joked about making fun of each other. They boasted about their skills or how good they were getting; about their goals etc. But at least they spoke about their careers; about their new life and what they wanted to achieve. They didn't piss about like the girls did and giggle all the time about stupid things.

Slowly she closed her eyes trying to find the quiet once more; allowing her mind and body to drift into a peaceful slumber before the morning came again. After all this peace would not last long.


	7. Roommate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elsa moves into the guys dorm with Eren and the others

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluff and humour

"WHAT?!" Eren yelled loudly his voice dripping with shock and disbelief. Was he hearing this right? Was this some form of joke? The same girl who had insulted Armin and got annoyed at him for wanting to sit with her was now going to be staying in their dorms?!

Shadis frowned crossly but allowed it; he knew this was a strange adjustment but it was for the sake of Beltz's sanity. Living with the other girls was doing her no good at all. She was only declining and it was making her sick; and he would rather avoid another situation with her having a breakdown and needing to visit the medical bay again.

Being around them was only causing her to feel worse and damage her already traumatized mind. Though others would only class it as her being moody and rebellious; she certainly had an issue with authority and men. He had seen it in her glare that day when she challenged him and the way she acted around most of the male cadets except Marco and Jean.

She also hated affectionate and over happy people. She seemed to only tolerate Ymir, Mikasa and Annie out of all the trainee's here. All 3 being the quietest and stoic of the cadets. It seemed the most mysterious and loner type girls seemed to all mutually understand each other in some wave length.

"You heard me right; from now on Beltz will be living in the dorms with you. However, she will be changing and dressing elsewhere" Shadis explained. There was a small cabin in the side which they used for cleaning supplies. However, it was very large and roomy inside meaning Elsa could easily change herself inside.

"What's wrong with the girl's dorm? Isn't that more appropriate?" Connie retorted defensively. They were a bunch of teenage guys; being around a girl would be anything but easy. I mean come on they were guys; seeing a very well built girl with good looks would turn any man into the breeding mood.

There were a group of girls who ranked from cute to just plain sexy. Mikasa and Elsa ranked under the walking sex category while Christa and Sasha were just adorable. However because of her personality most people were put off from even so much as trying to approach her.

A few of the other boys apart from Jean, Reiner and Marco nodded in agreement. It was rather strange for a girl to be asking to sleep in their dorms. Waking up to see her in whatever position would not be easy either; the all shivered at the mental image of her lost to sleep her bed clothes riding up.

Shadis remained silent and then sighed heavily "As you all are aware Beltz isn't exactly the easiest person to deal with…." He began firmly. Hell he could practically smell the tension in the air when she walked past; making even him feel a little fear.

A few of the guys snorted and laughed ironically at his watered down statement. There was very few people who got close to her and the few that had spent time with her knew how difficult she could be.

Her glare was piercing and her eyes were an alluring and deadly blood red. To look into her eyes sent a chill down your spine and not in a good way. Her personality was not easy to understand and deal with. Hell, they knew how distant Mikasa was and how straightforward Annie could be; but Elsa was far worse.

"…But she is happier being around males instead of the girls. She is comfortable in a sense compared to the girl's hyperactivity" Shadis explained. She often glared at the other girls like Mina or Christa when they tried to approach; she barely tolerated Sasha and tended to avoid anyone else.

About the only two she seemed to be ok with was Annie Leonhart and Mikasa Ackerman. This was ironic because the two girls were as stoic and as distant as she was; just lacking in her shitty mood. However unlike the other two who could at least act polite; Elsa was deadpan and uncaring about what she thought.

"You mean she's a tomboy?" Connie asked curiously his tone hopeful. It wasn't easy to come across a girl who was down to earth if not somewhat fearsome. That and she kicked ass almost as good as Mikasa or Annie; making her the third strongest girl in the core.

Shadis smirked; tomboy wasn't the word, far from it indeed. That girl was damaged and resentful because of something but if it made Springer happier to use that word so be it.

"If you want to call it that so be it; just know she's going to be staying here from now on" he explained firmly. With that he turned to leave quietly after informing the recruits they would have a new roommate.

_ **After** _

Eren sat on his bed quietly grumbling in annoyance. So, that black haired, stoic and bad tempered girl would be living with them for the next 2 years huh? Just when he had gotten used to living with the likes of Jean despite his arrogance.

"Come on Eren it's not so bad" Armin reassured him. I mean she was a little difficult to approach but she seemed to be ok; I mean she got on with Jean ok. If she was capable of getting along with the likes of Jean and someone as sweet as Marco; then she couldn't be that bad.

Eren grunted crossly not saying anything. He was too annoyed to speak; a girl who was rude to him and Armin was now going to be living in their dorms. If she so much as looked funny at Armin he wouldn't hold back.

"If you look past her temper she's kind of hot" Connie teased cheekily She had a nice ass and those legs of hers were pretty fine too. When she was being quiet you had to admit; she was a fine piece of ass that any man in his right mind could appreciate.

Sadly, she didn't show interest in anyone be they male or female which was a shame. He would love to go to town on that body and see what face she could make when she was being taken. However, he doubted she would even give him the time of day.

"Being hot doesn't do anything if you're a complete bitch" Eren grumbled crossly. This was going to be the worst 2 years of his life. Stuck with a stunning but complete ice queen trainee, god this was going to suck ass.

Jean snorted in amusement "Your one to talk Yeager" he retorted defiantly. Eren wasn't known as a shitty bastard for no reason; most people were too afraid to approach him. On top of that his nickname was far worse than hers "Suicidal bastard", compared to "Ice Queen".

Elsa wasn't a bad girl and he had seen it; she was just damaged from someone who betrayed her or caused her to feel alone. However somehow, he had made a place in her heart for whatever reason.

"What was that horse face!" Eren challenged angrily. Was he trying to start a fight? Cos, he was ready to go anytime he was. How come Kirstein always had to be such a god damn smart ass.

Suddenly the door opened and Beltz entered quietly carrying a small carry-on wearing her uniform. She looked up at where the boys were sat but said nothing simply staring at them. She had heard them from outside and obviously they were having a small spat.

She then looked away and headed towards the cleaning closet to change into her PJ's. If they were having a conversation she had no problem with changing and going to her bunk. They would have probably finished by that time anyway as it would probably be about her.

After she closed the door the room immersed into a panic of hormones and confusion. They knew she was moving in but not as soon as tonight. A few people yelled on why she was here, isn't it a bit soon, she looked really mad etc. Nobody knew what to do with themselves.

"Whose her bunkmate?" Eren asked impatiently. He wasn't sleeping beside that moody bitch no matter what Shadis said; he wanted her nowhere near her. She would probably just insult him; ignore him and talk down to him again. Plus god knows what she would say to poor Armin again after she insulted his hair last time.

Suddenly Marco raised his hand quietly laughing nervously "That would be me" he said awkwardly. She wasn't so bad and Jean seemed to like her so why not? The two had been speaking quite a bit and they seemed to get along. So why not make her part of their little clique?

Jean and himself had very few friends as it was; I mean Sasha and Connie sometimes spent time with them but mostly kept to themselves. It was nice to have a female friend who didn't have mutual friends for once.

A few of the other guys looked seriously shocked; someone as cold and moody as Elsa was hanging out with a nice guy like Marco? What had he bribed her with cookies or something?

Marco laughed awkwardly "I mean she is kind of quiet and straightforward; but she's also introverted and awkward with talking to people" he explained. A few of the other cadets looked impressed that he knew this about Beltz. I mean she didn't exactly socialize with anyone and kept to herself most of the time.

"How do you know this Marco?" Armin asked curiously tone impressed. Beltz very rarely spoke about herself to anyone so how did she know? Had he unintentionally sneaked up on her at some point?

Marco smiled "Jean told me. The two have spoken quite a few times" he explained casually. He was glad that Jean had made a friend other than himself in this place. He knew Jean was a nice guy he just tended to get ahead of himself sometimes.

Suddenly the closet door opened and Elsa came out in her PJ's. A few of the guys including Eren couldn't help but stare at her attire; for all she could be a bitch puberty was certainly doing its job right.

Elsa's curves and legs were on full display in her PJ blouse and her black boxers. Not only that her breasts were visible from under her shirt, showing she wasn't wearing a bra. She certainly was daring but given her personality it seemed fitting that she would care little about such a thing.

Red flushes of embarrassment spread across a few faces. Sure, they were used to working with and training alongside women; but never up close and personal. Not being able to see their form, their bodies and their sex appeal that lay under their clothing. Now that Beltz was staying with them; that would all change.

Elsa looked up quietly to see the eyes of the other recruits looking at her. She frowned in annoyance at their raging hormones; while this was one thing she was worried about she knew they wouldn't dare touch her.

She walked quietly towards the bunks where Eren and the others were; but not before leaving her clothes beside the bottom bunk. Everyone knew it was hers due to the fact her female clothing and such was in it.

She then climbed up the ladder quietly knowing eyes were on her. Guys were horny, drooling losers most of the time anyway so she expected it. However it seemed the fair few were good at keeping it under control such as Armin, Marco and surprisingly Jean.

Elsa eventually reached the top bunk where Eren and the others were; her black bangs tumbling in front of her face. She was met with nervousness and tension as she looked at the other cadets.

"Hey Elsa" Marco called gently from the side. He had already set up a small bunk beside her with fresh bedding so she could settle down for the night. Since she didn't seem to get along with anyone else he had agreed he was the best candidate as a bunk mate.

While the previous camps had bunkbeds that the trainees slept in; because of the large number of students they had doubled the size to fit more in. There were top floors with lines of beds on them; nothing fancy just wooden board cases in the shape of a bed, straw mattress, blankets and pillows.

Elsa looked in his direction and acknowledged his presence. She hoisted herself up quietly and walked up to the bed located beside him which she would now occupy. She was only grateful her bunk mate was someone more tolerable.

Because of the trainees who couldn't handle the pressures of training and went to work in the fields; many beds had become free allowing her somewhere to sleep. She then sat down in-between Marco and Jean quietly not saying anything and gave a content look when she sat upon her new bed.

A few people sat around awkwardly scratching their heads and twiddling their thumbs not knowing what to say or do now. I mean she had been the subject of their conversation after all. In the end, Armin decided to speak up and make small talk bravely "S…So Elsa apparently, you didn't get on with your bunk mates" he asked nervously.

Elsa sighed heavily staring at the floor "Shocker; girls who hate playing hair dresser, talking about their crushes, complimenting each other and other girly shit exist" she retorted sarcastically.

She had remembered as a kid when she loved stuffed toys and cuddling; back when she was innocent. But now she hated talking about what the other girls did; preferring to have more serious or less annoying conversations.

Eren got ready to get mad at her again but Connie intervened. His golden-brown eyes gleaming with eagerness "I told you guys she was a tomboy! This is fucking awesome!". Finally, a girl who didn't mind getting down and dirty, who was chill and didn't go on about annoying stuff that the others usually did.

Elsa was stunned by his response but didn't show it. However, she was quite amused and somewhat happy to know a guy hadn't thought her to the same as everyone else. It was quite the breath of fresh air; though she would never admit that she was happy about it out loud.

"I'm quite surprised you dress so casually to bed. Don't you get cold?" Marco said curiously his tone concerned. I mean it show off quite a lot of her assets. But on top of that it wouldn't really do much in the terms of keeping her body warm.

Elsa blinked but shook her head "Sasha tends to move about in her sleep a lot; most days I wake up with her laying on me or something" she retorted bluntly. While Sasha was one of the annoying bunk mates she had been forced to deal with; she was a fuck tonne more tolerable than the likes of Mina or Krista for that matter.

A few of the others laughed about that because it was so like Sasha to do such a thing. The girl literally gave no fucks in whatever she did which was both amusing and endearing.

"I bet Ymir had no problems with it; that girl has always been keen on the fairer sex" Reiner joked mischievously. A few of the others chuckled but some could see Ymir and Elsa fucking for the sake of relieving stress. No strings tied but just being simple fuck buddies.

Elsa glared at him coldly; so, because she avoided people apparently, she was hate fucking with another female cadet. What kind of logic was that? Did he suddenly think he knew all about her from one statement she made about another cadet?

Reiner stiffened a shiver of fear running down his body; he could feel the rage burning in her eyes onto him. She really wasn't called the Ice queen for nothing. His voice seemed to lose its tone and want to vanish from existence.

Jean saw the tension in her eyes and bad mood she was in; this wasn't going well for her first night of seemingly less annoying bunk mates. He would have to do something about that. "Say Elsa; what happened to that hair tie? That wasn't easy to come across you know" he asked curiously his tone feigning annoyance.

The other cadets were stunned he was addressing her by her first name. Most called her Beltz out of respect because she wasn't friendly with anyone whatsoever. Yet here was Jean "horse face" Kirstein talking to her so familiarly.

Surprisingly instead of getting mad Elsa just sighed heavily and scratched the back of her head "I was using it; but Sasha's broke so I gave mine to her. It's not so bad; I'm good at keeping my hair out of my way" she explained casually.

Sasha liked to keep her hair up because it reached her lower back when loose. Because of that she kept it up for the sake of it not getting in her way at all. Compared to hers; Elsa's only reached her chest making it shorter. Because of that she opted to give hers to Sasha for the sake of convenience.

Jean checked out her lose hair quietly his fingers under his chin thoughtfully; the last time they met it was in a French style braid. However, he liked it better like this; the way it was when they first sparred.

He nodded in approval "I think this is better than the braid; more casual" he said bluntly. As cute as it had been; her hair down looked much prettier in comparison. It was beautifully silky and had a different shine to it compared to Mikasa's. It had a purple highlight to it making her look like a demonic goddess of sorts.

Elsa said nothing but hummed in approval. Another reason she liked Jean; since getting to know him he had learned when to drop a conversation immediately. However, he also knew how to conveniently avoid a situation and distract people. Guess it wasn't so bad that she had decided to train with him that day and beaten Eren.

"Oh, yeah I've been meaning to ask…." Elsa remembered suddenly. While she did like Jean's 2 tone hair colour she had figured, he had managed to dye it. His top half was ash brown and his bottom was dark brown. She could already guess his hair was naturally dark brown but he died the top half in order to look cool.

"Your hair is naturally brown, isn't it?" she said bluntly. Not that she minded she preferred his hair the way it was; it was unusual but suited him a great deal. He certainly stood out from everyone else that was for sure.

Jean blushed with shock and embarrassment; how had she figured it out? He had always hated his natural hair colour as he was picked on by the other kids. He was born 2 tone but his ash brown roots became more prominent as he got older. Because of this people thought his hair colour was dyed but in fact it was all natural.

He sighed irritably looking away "You too? Jeez what the hell" he grumbled crossly. It seemed only Marco was capable of believing that it was all his hair. Just what did he have to do to convince people this was his natural hair colour?

"At least she's honest horse face" Eren teased in amusement a large grin on his face. It did look pretty odd after all; trying to look cool. It was nice to see someone else agreeing with him; even if he didn't like her much.

Marco smiled awkwardly "It's actually all one colour; just some of his highlights are more prominent" he explained calmly. Personally he was a little jealous of Jean's hair; it was certainly more noticeable in public than his normal dark brown hair.

Elsa blinked and then moved to face Jean curiously her expression thoughtful "Can I see?" she asked curiously. She had never seen such highlights on a person before; she wanted to have a closer look to appreciate it.

Before Jean could respond she peered at his hair quietly her chest in his eye view. She peered at his hair running her hands through it a little. "Huh; seems you were telling the truth. Your full of surprises Kirstein" Elsa said curiously her tone blunt. Not that she minded; she quite liked his hair colour.

Jean said nothing his whole body in shock. This was the closest he had ever been to a woman in his life and she was freely doing so of her own will. In no way was he harassing her or forcing her to do this.

She smelled really nice; freshly bathed and her hands were really soft. Her breasts up close were average sized; about 32 inches and a C cup. She was smaller than Mikasa but still a pretty girl. She was about 5'6" making her an inch shorter than Eren and 3 inches shorter than him. However, because he was sat down she seemed a little taller.

Eventually he batted her away awkwardly as to not pop a boner upon the sight before him. He didn't need them teasing the shit out of him for something as tempting as Elsa. His brows knotted as he mentally fought to keep himself sane and not embarrass himself here.

Eren smirked as did Connie; it was obvious to see Jean had a little crush on Elsa and she had no idea. However, she obviously didn't mind as she didn't seem flustered by anything she did. It was quite interesting to see the mentality switched from usual gender terms; but also quite amusing.

It seemed he had torn his sights from Mikasa to the foul mouthed, moody and scary looking Elsa instead. However, that only made things interesting to know where they would go. That is if she didn't get tired of him and kick the shit out of him for breaking her tolerance and patience for him.

"Smooth moves Kirstein; seems both you and Yeager are grabbing the girls" Connie teased playfully. And here he couldn't so much as get Sasha to even get a hint that he liked her; he just had to know their secret to getting a girl to like you.

"SHUT UP!" Eren and Jean yelled simultaneously their tones angered. It seemed that now was one of the few times they could agree on something. Now if only they could work together in such a way more often.

Suddenly the door opened and Shadis entered quietly his expression stern. A few of the cadets shivered and stiffened with fear apart from Elsa. He stepped a little in and then stopped his eyes cold and his hands behind his back. These kids were up early in the morning for training and practicing 3D gear.

If they had enough energy to argue they could save it for tomorrow when it would count more than anything. For they would take it to the battlefield for fighting titans. "Lights out; training starts early so time to sleep" he said sharply. This was followed by the sound of rustling bed sheets as the trainees obeyed his orders.

Once he was content he walked out and eyed the candle lamps quietly. They were running low and would eventually burn out by themselves. He would have them replaced by Wagner tomorrow while the other cadets trained.

As the trainee's lay in bed Jean made sure to face away from Elsa. He didn't want to look like a creep staring at her as they slept; I mean she was short tempered enough as it was. While she felt she could trust him and was obviously comfortable around him; she was still short tempered with him.

Elsa simply stared at Jean's back quietly; was he so flustered that she said she liked his hair? Was he not used to compliments at all? She sighed heavily and moved closer to his bed; their bed were inches away from each other anyway so what did it matter? She was doing this of her own will.

She gripped his shirt quietly her body wrapped in blanket as she laid beside him. She then subtly lay close to him wrapped in her own personal blanket cocoon. He was warm, his body radiating a soft heat making her feel comfortable.

Jean blushed shyly at the fact Elsa was sleeping beside him. I mean she had been before but now she was moving closer to him across the bunk. "Um…. Elsa" he muttered quietly under his breath. He had no idea of what was going on but she was certainly very grabby tonight.

" _Shut up; Your warm"_ Elsa retorted sharply. She felt comfortable around him and she felt safe. He was different from everyone else and she liked that about him. However, she hoped he wouldn't look too much into it; she didn't know how she felt about him only that he was an ally and her confidant.

Jean stiffened shyly but eased into her body beside him. He didn't know what to say or how to react but he didn't hate what she was doing; he was only confused. Eventually he relented and just decided to go with the flow "Night Elsa" he said awkwardly as he began to settle. This was going to be an interesting story tomorrow.

"Night Jean, Night Marco" Elsa said quietly her tone stern. This was the first time being in a dorm so quiet without giggling girls; even with their talking earlier they were so much calmer. It felt nice, relaxing even; she could feel her mind calming and all her pains inside ease. For the first time in her life in a while; she felt…. a little happy.

"Night Elsa; Night Jean" Marco replied back sleepily. He was facing the direction of Jean and Elsa perfectly seeing her gripping to him. He couldn't recall the last time he had seen anything so god damn cute in his entire fucking life.

Marco had long since known Jean was not one of the most popular guys in their training camp. However, seeing an outsider and loner like Elsa cling to him of her own will was kind of cute. He cuddled under the blankets sleepily as he watched the two. While others may not understand why two complete opposites would talk to each other; he found it quite cute.


	8. Growing feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elsa starts her training with 3D gear and Jean takes notice   
> But Eren isn't as keen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fluff

Elsa stood on a branch quietly observing the other trainees as they swung through the air. Though a lot of then showed skill, she couldn't take her eyes off Jean. He was such a natural, his eyes gleaming with passion and dedication. He was putting all he had into his training, wanting to achieve his dreams and fight for humanity.

Over the short time she had known him, Elsa had come to develop an affection for Jean. She didn't know why, but he was different from all the other cadets in the camps. He came across as an ass, but he had a genuinely kind heart within him. He was a natural leader like Marco had said, which only made her think his skill would be wasted on the military police.

To be amongst power hungry, authority abusing assholes who sat on their ass all day and got drunk? Why the hell would he ever want to be around people like that? They didn't deserve any of the respect they got even if they did serve under the king. Jean looked far better with the wings on his back instead of a unicorn.

Suddenly she heard someone coming, pulling her from her train of thought. She looked behind her to see Eren coming up close, his blades at the ready. His face the usual look of anger, determination and pure animalistic desire. He wasn't holding back but he was leaving himself wide open, he would never even see them coming in that state.

She peered at him and then sighed heavily. She then jumped from her perch on the branch firing the arrows of her 3D gear into a tree, spinning and swerving like a natural. Elsa knew what he was after, he wanted to attack that titan figure. But just to piss him off, she would get it before him. Showing that you had to act with rationality instead of just rage.

The reason that all of the other cadets got so weary and annoyed with him was because he never listened. He used his rage as an answer to everything and it only tended to end badly. Though his stubbornness paid off occasionally, it mainly acted as his Achilles heel because he didn't know how to control himself half the time.

Jean caught her eye as she swerved past him. His amber eyes gleaming with wonder as she soared through the trees like a bird. Though they were allies and somewhat friends, she had a feeling he admired her a little. Not that she minded of course, compared to the other cadets who kissed her ass he knew his boundaries. He respected her but he didn't push his limits or make her feel uncomfortable.

She then smirked at the corner of her mouth, her eyes gleaming with mischief. Making sure he knew that she was aware that she knew of his watching her. She then shot her arrows again to change direction and shot faster towards the target, the wind blowing through her hair.

Her heart pounding in her chest and her blood rushing through her body. She felt so alive, so free, allowing her to vent the storm inside of her. The rush of survival running through her veins. She loved this feeling, she loved being able to fly like this. But more than that, to vent the pain that swirled inside of her heart.

Her eyes then squinted, a dark looking coming across her face. She then sliced into the neck of the wooden titan piercing the cloth that was its neck. An angry cry escaping her lips as she cut the neck. The sound echoing through the woods as she attacked the dummy with all the force she could muster, her breath heavy.

Eren clicked his teeth in anger as Elsa beat him to the titan figure. Her blades tearing the fabric of the neck deeply, almost slicing the material clean in half with the impact of her blade. He had been so close to getting the first attack, but instead he had been beaten and lost his chance. Honestly, she had to be taking lessons from Connie.

Jean only stared in awe as Elsa showed off her skills. No wonder she was on the same level as Eren, he had never seen anyone with skills like hers before. But why she wasn't higher he had no idea. That attack had been nothing short of perfection, her sex appeal rippling off her like water as she gripped her blades.

Marco stared at Jean as he gazed upon Elsa as they trained. He had already figured out that Jean had a crush on her. In all honesty he found it adorable, they were so perfect for each other. But they were still taking baby steps in their relationship. Elsa was simply adapting to having him around while figuring out her feelings, Jean simple enjoyed her company and enjoyed spending time with her.

But that was ok, they had plenty of time to grow closer. They still had 2 years of training left, hopefully in that time they would figure out their feelings before he needed to intervene. And as the saying always went "You couldn't rush a good thing" and these two were showing a lot of promise as a couple.

* * *

"That was amazing Elsa. Eren didn't even see you coming! Like a ninja or something!" Connie gushed with excitement. How the hell was she only at 7th, she should have at least been 5th. Eren could really learn a thing or tow about stealth from Elsa, I mean she had been so fast and so precise with her attack like that.

"She was so fast, like a blur. It was the coolest thing I'd ever seen!" Sasha agreed. She had always thought that Annie or Mikasa were the best, guess they had a rival now. Maybe if she was ok with it, Elsa could teach her a thing or too as well. If she did, she wouldn't mind sharing her bread with Elsa as payment for the help.

Mikasa said nothing, she had indeed been impressed by Elsa's skill. How naturally she moved, how her eyes shone with an animalistic gleam as she attacked. As if she was human willpower itself. She had her own goals and her own reason to fight, but as of what they were nobody knew yet. Considering she kept to herself a lot.

"Whatever, she totally cheated by getting the jump on me!" Eren huffed crossly. He had been so close to attacking that titan, but she had come out of nowhere and got there first. Though she was fast, he had been so close to getting the target. If she hadn't got in the way, he would have attacked first and beaten her. But she cheated with a sneak attack.

"Eren that's not true" Armin intervened sounding exasperated. Why was he being so pissy about this? Elsa had skill and so what if she was better than him? He never acted like this around Mikasa. Why couldn't he just suck it up? Yes, there were trainees here who had better skill and experience in terms of fighting.

Jean scoffed "Can't you just accept that there are cadets more skilled than you Yeager? Or are you that much of a dick you can't handle being beaten by a woman?" he snapped. Elsa was very at one with her skills. Everything was very natural to her, she acted on instinct instead of rage like Eren did. Maybe if he toned down his anger he could improve too.

Elsa softened upon hearing this. Jean was a very kind guy though he didn't show it. He never allowed anyone to insult or accuse anyone who had better skills than the other. He didn't exactly gush or babble nonstop about her skills, but he acknowledged and respected her. For that she was grateful and it only made her like him more.

"What you say?" Eren growled angrily. Was Jean really trying to pick a fight with him? He could take him on any day, he would show him just who was weak. He had come here with a purpose to annihilate the titans and take back humanity. All he was here for was to use the military police for the safety and advantages it came with.

"Eren enough" Mikasa snapped sharply. Why could he simply not take one for the team and accept he needed to train more. Why did he have to act like such a kid all the time? Even she could see that Elsa was a skilled trainee. Maybe instead of picking a fight with her, he could take some pointers and learn from her instead of being a brat all the time.

"Anger alone isn't enough to beat them. You need to act on instinct both mentally and gut wise. Maybe you should get anger management if you want to get stronger" Elsa retorted defiantly. She had just about enough of Eren's shit and constantly getting on her case. Just because she was more skilled than him and because she didn't like him or his friends.

Why did he feel the need to turn everything into a pissing contest? She really had no idea of why he was always acting like a hot-headed idiot. No wonder he was nicknamed suicidal bastard. She wouldn't be surprised with that attitude if he ended getting himself eaten or putting his teammates at risk because of his own pride.

Eren clicked his teeth and was about to go for her when Mikasa held him back. Elsa was right, though Eren was skilled and determined. His anger only got him into trouble. Even Carla would agree that he was being reckless, he needed to calm down and think about how he could learn from this instead of blaming others.

Jean immediately shielded Elsa as a defense mechanism. He would not let Eren take out his own failure on Elsa. She had been right, maybe if Eren focused more he would become stronger. But instead he just threw a tantrum and expected everyone to agree with him as always. When would he learn to grow up?

"Enough guys. Just take it easy ok" Marco soothed. Why did everything have to turn into a fight? Why could they not just get along for once? But then again when you had a temper like Eren, it was expected. It was up to him and Armin to cry and get their best friends to relax and not attack each other as per normal.

"Cadets! If you have time to argue then maybe Yeager wouldn't mind putting away the equipment!" Shadis snapped back. Why could they not just act accordingly. Eren growled but did as he was asked. Arguing with Shadis was like playing with the devil. Unless you wanted to be mentally scared you did as you were fucking told.

He then shrugged off Mikasa and began to take the 3D gear back to holding while growling under his breath. It was clear to see he would be in a bad mood later. Once he was out of sight Jean moved away from Elsa and sighed a breath of relief. God, why was Yeager always such a little shit? Didn't his mum teach him not to hit girls?

"Thanks" Elsa said gratefully. In all honesty, nobody had ever stood up for her before. She had always just learned to rely on herself to get by and survive. Jean was the first person in her life to do such a thing. It felt kind of nice. To know that someone genuinely cared about her and didn't just want to use and hurt her.

Jean turned to face her a stern look on his face "I just can't stand people who can't take responsibility. You deserve as much praise as Yeager does" he huffed. Elsa worked as hard as the rest of them. She studied, concentrated and focused her time on getting better and confiding in her own intuition. Not relying solely on anger.

Elsa smiled softly at him. Though she couldn't really stand any of the people here, she had a growing soft spot for Jean and Marco, they were the first people she could actually trust. "I'll see you at dinner. Save me a seat" she said gratefully. She had to clean up with the other girls first, training did tend to make you awfully sweaty mind you.

She then wondered off in the direction of the other girls to which Sasha followed her and continued to ask her about training. Seems she was growing quite the fan club. Before she always spent time on her own and couldn't stand the idea of anyone even so much as saying one word to her. How things had changed since then.

"You like her, don't you?" a teasing voice said from behind Jean. He wasn't an idiot, Jean was acting very protective over her nowadays and she certainly was softer on him than anyone else. Jean turned behind him to see Marco smirking. Though he was known as being a sweet little cinnamon bun, Marco could be rather intimidating and playful now and again. Like a devil in covered in glitter.

Jean blushed and averted his gaze "I respect her is all. She has her demons and she doesn't deserve the shit Yeager gives her. She's not a bad person" he explained defensively. He could sense someone had hurt her, leaving her with the scars she had in her heart. Finding fighting to be the only way of survival, causing her to become the person she was.

Marco hummed, Jean really had it bad for her. But he wouldn't tease him about it any further. But he would help nurture this relationship for all it was worth. Jean wasn't a bad guy, maybe hard to swallow and moody at times. But he had a big heart deep down and he was a great leader. He just let his pride get the best of him.

"I won't tell. Your secrets safe with me. But just don't hold back because of Mikasa. Take the chance while you have it" Marco replied in a warning tone. Elsa seemed to be serious about him. She really cared about him and respected him, given how she tended to hate everyone aside himself and Jean, he had to be special in her eyes.

Jean's expression softened then hummed thoughtfully. Marco was right, but then again, he was always right. He didn't know what he felt about Elsa yet, but he did care about her. She was someone that meant a lot to him. That much he did know.

* * *

"So, Elsa. You and Jean have been getting pretty close lately" Sasha teased playfully. The two of them were always together nowadays. She had heard from Connie that they were even bunk-mates now. Who knew she had a thing for horses? But then they did make a cute pair.

Elsa stiffened and her gaze became cold. She had suspected this would happen when she got close to Jean. Endless questions and harassment about their new closeness. But she didn't need to explain herself to them, they could think whatever they wanted. She knew the truth and that was enough.

"Oh? You like Jean Elsa? For how long?" Christa asked curiously. She thought that he had a thing for Mikasa given how he always gazed at her during dinner. But guess he didn't like her anymore. Guys were really odd like that, they really tended to fall in and out of love so easily. But as long as she was happy.

"You girls have an awfully small brain capacity. Does that mean Sasha and Connie are together? Does that mean all men and women have to be together?" she grumbled. She didn't have romantic relations with Jean. Hell, she didn't even know what they were right now. She just felt safe around him, she trusted him. At this point they were allies.

Sasha whined in complaint and began to yell that it wasn't true. However, it kept her quiet and she went back to being sulky instead of pestering her. Obviously, it had done the trick of shutting her up. It really didn't take much to distract Sasha at all sometimes, it was either food or a good talking to in order to calm her.

Christa hummed in complaint but then simply approached Ymir and spoke to her. Obviously not wanting to suffer the wrath of Elsa when she was in a bad mood like last time. Seems like she had taken the hint and learned to back off which Elsa was very relieved about indeed. She really hated when people got so nosy about her personal life.

Elsa sighed heavily. Why was it when she did something it automatically became a huge deal amongst everyone else. Honestly it was just a pain in the ass. But at least she could be away from them tonight. She could eat dinner with Jean and Marco then retire to the bunks with them for stories. She couldn't wait.


	9. Shower talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elsa and Jean share a moment, though its somewhat awkward for him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for not updating this in so long, I really am. But I was suffering writers block on how to continue it

Elsa stood quietly under the shower head allowing the water to cascade over her. It had been a long day and she was worn out both physically and mentally from the days activities. Dinner had been peaceful and training had been hard. She would rest well tonight, especially since she would be sharing a bunk with Jean again.

Every day they were growing close to graduation and going out into the field of duty. Choosing their paths of either, Military Police, Garrison or the Survey core to fight titans. Putting their lives on the line to survive and grow closer to defeating the titans and protect humanity from being destroyed.

Many cadets were scared, some were eager others were neutral. Either panicking out of their mind, some wanting to show off and show what they were made of, or just not caring at all. She simply knew what had to be done, survive and don't get killed. Rely on your gut and primal instinct, it was your strongest weapon.

She and Jean had grown closer over the days that passed. She felt comfortable around him and sensed a good soul underneath his stubborn nature that he showed around Marco and herself. Though she never smiled, she indeed felt a unique peace around him. He cared and respected her, as shown when he stood up for her against Eren during training earlier.

He was cautious of what he said around her and never tested her. Instead he made casual conversation and never spoke to her if he felt it was not a good time to do so. She had noticed that he was very self aware around her which she greatly appreciated, showing he did care about how his actions affected her as a person.

She had spent so many years alone that she never thought she would make any friends. But she had been wrong, because after years of relying on herself she met someone she felt comfortable around. She didn't feel the need to defend herself or suspect them of any ill intentions, or she would have known immediately.

Marco was simply polite and kind, never forcing her to speak and simply being helpful. But she liked him, he never pushed her boundaries and just left her be unless necessary. He was helpful with training and even got her a hair-clip to tie her hair up with since she gave her hair tie to Sasha. Mainly he acted like a big brother to her which she appreciated.

Marco felt like the brother she never had growing up. The person she wished could have had by her side during the years in the slums to keep her smiling. Someone to look out for her and make sure she was ok, knowing when to ease an uncomfortable situation with ease. But even so, she was glad to have him all the same.

Then there was Jean, the first guy she had ever spoken to or had approached her without fear. Jean acted like a douche, he was proud, outspoken and loved to pick a fight. But he was also fiercely intelligent like herself, empathetic, level headed in every situation he faced and self-aware.

He trained with her and stood up for her when she needed help. They both admired each other's skill when it came to 3D gear and taught each other about their own personal techniques. She trusted him and enjoyed his company. Though he could have his moments of agitating people, he was always honest about how he felt and never lied about his feelings.

Though she couldn't stand the likes of Krista for being too fake, Eren for being a pain the ass and Armin for being too much of a pushover, she had a few cadets she didn't mind. Yes, out of the many faces in this place and people she avoided regularly, there were in fact some people aside from her companions she could tolerate.

Ymir was quiet and kept to herself, much like Elsa. She didn't get involved with anyone and tended to be rather sarcastic or blunt, but she had a soft spot for Krista her companion. She was a good fighter and tended to enjoy being in her ranking, thinking rationally and being blatantly honest about everything that came to her mind.

Mikasa was a very stoic yet skilled student, who was the only one whom she seemed to rival here. She often chased after her younger brother Eren, but other than that was seemingly a kind girl. If she concentrated on looking after herself more and not worrying about her adopted brother so much. She may actually find herself feeling happier instead of so unhappy.

She sighed heavily and leaned her head against the tiled walls. Thinking too deeply was hurting her head and making her feel sick, just when she thought she was getting better. The memories of her past once again came back to haunt her, making her feel sick and angry inside as she relived her past.

* * *

_The rain poured outside heavily, pattering against the rooves and he wooden floor as the wind blew gently outside. The door of the house wide open and the sound the storm outside echoing loudly through the house, a dark silhouette in the doorway. Her blood red eyes gleaming in the darkness._

_Blood was spattered across the floor and two dead bodies lay on the wooden flooring, the blood staining it and spilling through the gaps onto the ground faces contorted with fear and regret as they lay there on the floor, karma having bitten back hard at them for their crimes._

_Elsa stood in the doorway panting heavily. Her chest heaving as she reclaimed her breath, tears spilling down her pale cheeks like a waterfall, her shadow looming across the floor._ _Her white dress covered in filth, blood and her body scarred by her chains. Her black hair tumbling across her shoulders, her eyes wide with fear, anger and sadness._

_A blade gripped tightly in her hands, holding into it like a lifeline. It had gotten her this far, saving her life from what could have been because of these two people._ " _Never again…" she choked tearfully. Never would she rely on anyone but herself, if those closest to her would put her through the hell she had barely escaped from._

* * *

"Why is it coming back? I haven't been having these flashbacks for over 3 weeks now?" she growled. Thanks to moving into the boy's dorm and staying with Jean and Marco, they had settled down. She was sleeping better and she was in a better mood, though she was still distant she was not as nearly as gruff as she used to be.

So why? Why now where they coming back to haunt her? What was causing her to set off again so easily? It didn't make any sense to her at all. Hadn't they gone? Usually it happened under deep amounts of stress or psychological distress. But she had felt relatively content and safe by herself. So why was this happening?

She had been level headed during training, dinner had been calm with very little noise. So why was she having them again? Why was it coming back and making her feel so shitty again? Usually it happened when she was in the girl's dorm and unable to settle because of her own stress and discomfort.

"Oh, shit! Sorry um…" a voice cried out anxiously trying to keep their voice down. The showers were unisex, but everyone went at certain times to make sure the cadets showered with their own gender. But during the late hours, it often got mixed due to students going in at different times. Mostly everyone was in their bunks after showering, out talking or having fun.

Jean had decided to take a shower to relax before bed and have some alone time to clear his head. He hadn't planned on finding Elsa here, butt naked and taking a shower herself. Now he felt ashamed standing there in nothing but a towel to cover himself and walking in on her when she obviously wanted some alone time.

Elsa slowly turned her head to face him, her black hair tumbling over her shoulder and bangs covering her eyes. Making her look both seductive and menacing at the same time. "Did anyone see you come in?" she replied sharply. As long as nobody knew they would be ok, she would let him off this once since he hadn't meant to and this was his last chance to shower.

Jean blinked then snapped out of his trance "Um. No, nobody saw me" he replied quickly. Connie was hanging out with Sasha and Berthold was having a conversation with Reiner again. He was only grateful they weren't hear to see this or they would only tease him relentlessly and ask all sorts of inappropriate questions.

Elsa sighed but with relief, at least this wouldn't give anyone something to speak about. So, it would her and Jean's little secret for now. Something only the two of them knew. "Are you gonna keep standing there. Or are you gonna take a shower?" Elsa retorted impatiently. She felt a little uncomfortable with him just standing there.

She had never really let anyone see her body before. It was covered in some scars (not serious ones though) from her past, growing up in the slums, using whatever she could to survive. Memories of her past life and how far she had come since her childhood, reminding her that she was alive and ok.

Though she had been raised and lived in the inner walls with her parents, the people she was sold to live in the underground. There she had lived for many years before escaping. She had managed to sneak out to the upper city and then lived in the alleys. Stealing and taking whatever she could, before she found her old home and got revenge.

Jean then nodded and headed towards a shower nearby her and turned on the water. Not knowing where to look or how to feel, this was his first time seeing a naked woman in person. Her body was pale but well developed, her shapely curves and developed body revealed. But the abs from her training could also be seen, sharp and prominent.

Elsa then peered at him from the corner of her eye, making it known that she could see him staring. Obviously not enjoying the attention he was giving her, but not needing to use violence. He immediately averted his gaze and began scrubbing, feeling like an ass for staring at her like a pervert. God, he should just leave soon to avoid any more awkwardness.

"I take it you've never seen a naked woman before. At least not outside your own head" she replied casually. Being a woman, you were so used to seeing yourself naked it never fazed you. But in the eyes of another teenage guy, this must be so confusing for him and yet something he would quickly become interested in.

Jean obviously had little to no experience with women whatsoever, as shown by his awkwardness around women in general. But at least that made him conscious. Knowing he would never do anything to a girl without her consent, or at least be an ass about the fact he got a free show of her body by chance.

Jean blushed profusely and nodded, she was a really beautiful girl. Though he did like her a lot, he felt like he was betraying Mikasa in a way. But then again, she only paid attention to Eren. He really didn't know how to feel about any of this, but he couldn't lie about his growing attachment to Elsa as time passed.

Elsa sighed heavily her impatience evident in her tone "You can look if you want. I don't really care, as long as you don't go bragging to anyone" she replied sharply. Besides, she could always look at him if she wanted to. That or find ways to blackmail him so he would never tell unless he wanted to suffer badly for it.

Jean averted his gaze but continued washing, wondering why she didn't feel ashamed of him seeing her up close and personal like this. Maybe she was used to being nude around people? "Um… aren't you… well… embarrassed at all?" he asked cautiously trying not to peek again. She was basically standing next to him in the nude, how could she not feel embarrassed?

Elsa blinked, she had long since thrown away a lot of feelings. Growing up she didn't have time to feel embarrassed or ashamed. It was simply about being able to live. Wearing whatever she could get her hands on, eating whatever she could steal. Staying, warm safe and out of harm's way was all she had cared about as a child.

Growing up should someone have looked at her funny, she just glared at them menacingly and they immediately backed off. Her cold glare freaking them out. She simply shrugged as a response "Never really mattered to me. We were born naked after all" she replied bluntly. Right now, they were in their most natural form, so why should it even matter at all?

Besides like she said, jean wouldn't do anything to her. He wasn't that kind of guy and she could tell. He was literally filled with discomfort just looking at her right now, so there was nothing to be concerned over. As long as they didn't think too much into the situation they could be fine with it and just put it behind them.

Jean simply blinked, stunned by her casual and rather blunt reply. He had never really thought about it like that to be honest, he had always been taught that nudity was associated with sexuality. He then continued scrubbing silently as Elsa stood under the spray.

* * *

Jean and Elsa walked back to the dorm silently. Her black hair blowing in the night air silently like black silk, not as fine as Mikasa's but still very radiant. Her uniform shirt open a little flashing slight cleavage and collarbone, her damp hair drying in the night breeze.

Some of the boys had sneaked into the storage and were drinking some booze. Though they were being careful not to get caught by Shadis, they were having a lot of fun. Others were back at the dorms telling stories or joking about. It seemed sharing life experiences with one another was something people enjoyed doing at the dorms.

"Hey Elsa?" Jean asked casually attempting to make conversation. Though she had become comfortable around him, Jean didn't really know anything about her aside from her personality. Since they were going to be teammates in the future, they might as well start sharing personal information with each other.

Elsa peered at him quietly, her eyes saying continue. She wasn't really much of a talker unless she felt comfortable doing so, which he respected. So, he had learned to just go with instinct. "You uh… got any family. Siblings? You never speak much about your home life" he asked hesitantly. Many people here wrote to their families a lot while in the military.

Elsa stiffened, she had been born an only child. But she was glad she never had any siblings, so that they didn't have to suffer like she did or lose anyone along the way. If she had, they would have either been sold just like she had. Or lied to that they ever had a sibling and ending up hating them if they ever found out what they had done.

"No. Their all dead" she replied bluntly her tone cold. Though she could imagine what it would have been like to have a sibling, it was now impossible. She was the last family member of her clan, she never knew if she had any aunts, uncles or grandparents even alive. She had nobody but herself.

Jean simply stared at her in awe, so she was an orphan like Eren, Armin and Mikasa. Geez, life was cruel like that. Made him glad he still had his mum back home in Trost. He immediately felt guilty for even asking, he had just left her in a shitty mood without meaning to. How the hell was he going to get out of this one?

Elsa saw his expression and softened, feeling bad for responding in such a harsh way. "Its fine. You didn't know" she replied in a slightly apologetic tone. It wasn't his fault, so he needn't feel guilty for her past. Life was harder on others than most. That was just the way things were sadly.

Jean relaxed but still felt rather guilty about what he had done. It was kind of hard to come back after asking something so casual to get such a harsh reply to the question. "So… um. You wanna talk or just… go to bed?" he asked curiously. He and Marco usually had small talk before they settled down for the evening. It was a ritual habit by this point.

Elsa peered, compared to the girl's dorms the boy's conversations were relatively relaxed. Though she never really joined in with them much, she didn't mind listening to them. "Sure. Though don't expect me to join in much" she replied bluntly. She never really liked speaking about herself much, it just brought back uncomfortable memories.

Jean softened and a warm smile spread across his face "Sure thing". Even if she didn't join in much, she would still be bonding with them to an extent. Compared to how she usually just crawled into bed and submerged herself in blankets around the other girls. She seemed in her element at the boys dorm.

It was baby steps sure, but she was making progress to get closer to people. That alone was good enough for him right now and he would happily take that, even if it was a small gesture.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please let me know what you think


	10. Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We have another look into Elsa's past and Jean shares a moment with her

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the long ass update, life's been busy

" _Look at that creamy skin, she's a little cutie aint she. I can't wait to have a taste" one leered. It was so fair and smooth, but then again she was very young so it was to be expected after all. She would be a lot of fun to break in, getting her used to the taste of men. She would never be able to think the same way again._

_The young ones were always so cute, their innocence was what made them so alluring. Because they were so easy to break and train, they knew nothing but would easily learn. The older they were the more they fought back, which was what made being traders so damn difficult with the bigger ones._

" _Her eyes are so shiny. They remind me of those jewels I seen in books" another replied. Though they only belonged to aristocrats or the royal family now. No commoner had their hands on them. However, they were still in history books and talked about on the street, worth a pretty penny to anyone who had their hands on them._

_It was rare to find anyone with such pale smooth skin, silky black hair as fine as hers or eyes that colour. Sure she wouldn't pay as much as a rare Asian, but someone would pay a pretty penny for her. As long as it filled their pockets and made them money, he wasn't going to complain about the quality of the merchandise here._

_Elsa shivered curling up in the cage, shivering and her eyes filled with tears. Her eyes red from crying as hard as she had been, tasting the salt on her lips, the streak-marks down her face. This had to be a dream, why would her parents to this to her. Why would they sell her to such awful human beings as human traffickers._

" _Look at her, she's crying. I bet I can make her cry in more ways though" the first sneered. If she continued sobbing like that she would use up all her energy. Now that would be no fun at all. They needed her energetic and lively, they could make more money off her that way and leave an impression on the clients._

 _Eventually, they left her shivering and sobbing. Going off to eat or drink, leaving her in the peaceful silence. Allowing her mind to roam, her thoughts to wonder elsewhere. Giving her some peace._ " _Why? Why would mummy and daddy do this? I thought they loved me? I thought they cared about me" Elsa thought to herself. Why would they give her away to these awful people_

* * *

Elsa sat silently on the bed, the moonlight illuminating her black hair. Staring into the abyss silently, her mind wondering to the void of her soul. Endless thoughts rushing through her mind like a storybook. Leaned over with one of her legs tucked under her chin, another flashback had returned. Holding herself for comfort.

When she was younger she had woken up screaming from the dreams, shaking and sobbing loudly. Gripping her head and trying to make it stop, to make it go away. After a whole she had just learned to block it out and push it down. Try and forget such a thing existed, for a while it worked. But since she came to the camps, it started to come back.

It seemed lately they had become more and more recurring. The visions coming back hard and fast, dragging her back to her childhood and the horrors she had experienced. Plaguing her constantly and making her feel weak, bringing back her fears and sadness. As much as she tried to push it to the back of her mind. Trying to focus on her present life.

She couldn't go back and undo the past. everything was set in stone and this was the way her life was, she had to accept it as reality as much as it made her sick. Knowing now what kind of people she had been raised by and what kind of people they truly were. That the perfect life she thought was real was nothing but lies and fake.

Remembering her naïve days of being held captive by slave traders. Being scarred and chained in a dingy room in which she was treated worse than an animal. Barely having enough to eat and never knowing freedom or sunlight. People who sold young girls to the highest bidder, but not before breaking them into training. So, they would be more useful.

Not caring about her well being and only making sure she was kept alive, not about her health or if she was injured or not. Every now and again checking in to make sure she was alive. Sometimes kicking the cell bars to wake her or throwing water on her to keep her clean. While they kept themselves in better states than herself.

Since the walls came up, sadly all sorts of humans gathered together. The worst of the worst and sometimes a bit of both. People who had strayed from their morality as humans and become animals. She often felt sick at what could have happened to her had she not escaped. What kind of shitty life she would have lived had she not gotten away. It made her skin crawl at the very image.

Prostitution was not uncommon amongst some levels of the cities. In the lower underground they lived miserably, living in brothels and being worked like dogs. Suffering from malnutrition, lack of vitamin C and barely having enough clothes on their back. At least in the outer walls, they could live in houses, reasonable lives even if they were poor.

In the inner walls, prostitutes often lived as mistresses to higher aristocrats and lived the fine life. Often living with married men and living there openly, sometimes being preferred over the walls. Having one was a staple of how rich you were, though should they step out of line it was not uncommon for them to be abused for it.

What was worse, her own parents had offered her up to that life by will. Despite having enough money to care for themselves, they were greedy and corrupt. Wanting as much as they could get. Offering up their only child for more money, how sad was that? The fact that they didn't care if she lived or died. Just why did they become parents if they never truly cared for her to begin with?

As parents it was their job to love and protect her, since giving birth to her they had to raise her. She trusted them to teach her the ways of the world and grow as a person. But they had simply brought her into the world and when she came of a reasonable age (at least in their eyes), they sold her off for money to a bunch of criminals.

The fact she even escaped that place was nothing short of a miracle. Awakening something inside of her, turning her into the woman she was now. Cold, empty, bitter and hateful at the world. Somehow, she had choked one of the men to death with her own chains. They had attempted to assault her while drunk, not being able to hold back his urges anymore.

Slurring and stumbling about, a recognizable leer in his eyes. One she had seen earlier and figured out what he was up to. Something she was not about to let happen to her, no way in hell. She had kicked and fought back, before choking him to death with the chains. A newfound strength about her, knowing it was fight or die, that this was her only way out of there.

Scratching his eyes out before yanking it around his neck. He struggled of course, but her willpower was stronger. Screaming and crying that he should just die, that she wanted to go home. That all humans were animals, that they were all beasts.

Pulling as hard as she could, not stopping until he started to go blue and stopped moving. It seemed to go on for what felt like forever, his suffocated gasps and her shrieking manically. Eventually he choked to death slowly but surely and lay on the ground, drool spilling from his mouth and his eyes rolled back.

She then let go, allowing the chain to fall to the floor in a heavy clang. Tears spilling from her face, her eyes wide and bright. Shaking like a leaf as adrenaline rushed through her body. She had just killed a man, she had committed murder. But he had tried to attack her, he had tried to force himself on her. She wasn't wrong, she had just been trying to protect herself.

She stood there in the dark cell, her black hair falling in front of her tear-stained face. Seeing what she was capable of, what kind of person she actually was. More so, having realized she had just vented her true feelings when killing him. Realizing that this was the reality of life, everything up until now had been a lie.

" _Mummy and daddy never cared about me. If they did, they wouldn't have done this"_ she said to herself. No parents who loved their child would ever give their child up to such a horrific life. They had abandoned her, they had given her up. They had decided that money and a wealthy lifestyle was more important than raising a child.

One that was in her preteens and expensive. She had always been for show, a pretty doll to show off and brag about. But once she became too much for them to handle they had enough, not wanting a daughter they couldn't control. Not wanting to spend money on a child that would not obey and question their authority.

She sighed and rubbed the bride of her nose, trying to brush these thoughts to the back of her mind. Remembering, causing her to feel dizzy and weak, not wanting to have another meltdown. She needed sleep, but she couldn't sleep. Her mind only rushing back to the unpleasantness that was her past. She hated the fact that no matter how hard she tried she couldn't escape from her past.

She got up silently and stepped away from the bed, being as careful as she could not to wake anyone up. She didn't need them asking her questions, she hated nosy people. She managed to awkwardly step her way past the bunks, to the edge and to the stepladder. Quietly climbing down, making sure not to wake anyone and heading towards the front door of the boy's cabins.

She opened the door silently, making sure not to make a sound. Praying mentally that the floorboards under her didn't creak under her weight, she may have been light but some of these were old. She didn't want to get caught, more questions she would rather not answer. It was none of their business anyways.

* * *

Jean mumbled sleepily, groaning in his sleep and turning over. Dreaming peacefully and lost to the world around him. Yawning and moving about as he did so, reaching out his hands across the bed. Stretching and squirming in his sleep, small sounds escaping his lips. Surprisingly not waking any of the others around him. Then again with the way Reiner snored, he was surprised he didn't wake anyone.

He had always been a restless sleeper ever since he was a child, waking up to twisted sheets and odd positions. He never meant to, he couldn't control how his body acted when he was unconscious. Everyone slept differently after all, not everyone was the same. Some people slept like logs, some people were woken by the smallest noise.

As she did so, he didn't feel someone hit or kick him to tell him to stop doing so. Half expecting someone to have complained by now about his lack of respect for their personal space. No warm female body beside him, no irritable voice telling him to keep still and allow them to sleep. Seriously, she was quieter than usual.

No female body beside him, no breasts pressing against him. So, slender form lying beside him peacefully as her black hair tickled her cheek. Now this was odd as Elsa shared not only his bunk but slept close to him. So why wasn't she here? She had said she was comfortable around him, so why would she not be sleeping?

Despite showing hostility to every other teammate here, she somehow seemed to like him. Even going as far as to request to stay in the boy's bunks, saying the female dorms were too loud. For whatever reason, she seemed uncomfortable around most of the girls in her bunk. But then again, she acted coldly towards a lot of the guys to, aside from him and Marco.

She had a very tense relationship with Eren, she gave Krista the cold shoulder and didn't so much as even speak to Armin. Seemingly acting bored whenever he even so much as spoke a word. She could understand Eren as unless you were close to him, he seemed to rub everyone the wrong way and tended to get on their bad side.

Krista he had no idea why she hated her so much, she was the epitome of sweetness and light. Never having a bad thing to say about anyone, always trying to be nice and help others out. But Elsa gave her the cold shoulder and tended to cringe when she so much as flashed a smile in her direction whatsoever. Seemingly hating her.

He came to wearily. His eyes still a little blurred from sleep, he wiped his eyes and stared around the dark room. Making out the shapes of his cabin mates beside him, but Elsa was gone. Nowhere in sight as if she had vanished into thin air or never existed at all. As if this was a dream, as if he was waking up to an alternate life. The silence almost deafening, you could hear a pin drop.

This caused him to panic, she couldn't leave the compound, the bathroom was downstairs and there was no way to get out of the bunks easily. You had to play an awkward dance game to get past everyone. Everyone slept so close to each other it was an awkward process getting up in the morning and having to wait to get out.

He sat up quickly, bolting up in bed. He knew Elsa hated everyone aside from him, so why would she leave? Had he done something wrong in his sleep to upset her? God, he hoped not. Ever since they had spoken and interacted for the first time, he had been careful not to get on her bad side. Everyone had seen the way she took down Shadis for the first time upon introduction.

He looked around the bed frantically, starting to panic. She wasn't beside the bed, she wasn't downstairs and she wasn't sitting at the side gazing out of the window like always. So where in the world could she have gone? This didn't feel right. Though he knew it was past curfew and they should all be in bed. He couldn't stop worrying about her and where she would be. Was she hurt? Was she not feeling well, did she have another attack.

He had heard about the breakdown she had while staying at the girl's dorm. Sasha had found her outside, even Ymir had been worried. Having never seen the girl look so worked up before. He couldn't stop worrying about her, he remembered how Sasha had described her though the whole thing. Looking pale as a ghost and looking like she was about to throw up. Just what was she hiding?

She said she trusted him right, which made them friends or allies at least. So why was she still hiding things from him or sneaking out when she was troubled. Why couldn't she talk to him instead? He may not be experienced in life yet, but he wasn't exactly an idiot. He would be willing to try and offer her help should she need it.

He grabbed his sheet quickly and tiptoed around everyone. Making sure not to kick anyone or even so much as make a sound. He knew he would get into trouble if he was caught sneaking out. He breathed a sigh of relief as she managed to get past everyone. Folding the sheet over his shoulder and climbing down the ladder. Trying to be as quiet as possible, wanting to avoid the wrath of Shadis.

* * *

Elsa leaned against the wooden rail silently. Her crimson eyes gazing out into the darkness of the camps silently. Her eyes sharp and hard, thinking about the dreams she had experienced. As hard as she tried to block them out, suppressing them with all her willpower. They always came back to her in the end. Torturing her with their existence, reminding her of her pain.

She wondered if her past would ever stop haunting her, if they would ever go away. The heart and mind were fragile things after all, her trust had been so cruelly broken. By the people, she had cared for and trusted the most. The memories, the trauma, the heartbreak, all of it still lingered. Her young mind shattered and awoken to the cruelty of reality, to know everything in her life had been nothing but a lie.

Suddenly, she felt a blanket fall on top of her head, surprising her. Suddenly her vision was white and it confused her. Something warm but semi thin covered her out of nowhere. She couldn't remember the last time she had been surprise attacked, but in an innocent manner. Child's play almost, like how kids would hide under sheets in hopes of scaring someone.

She pushed up the sheet and looked around, curious as to where the cover came from. Since there was nobody about and everyone else was fast asleep in the barracks. As she turned her head to look, she was surprised to see Jean standing beside her, a worried yet calm expression on his face. Making sure to keep his distance from her.

She had been careful to not wake him or any of the others up when she left. Avoiding any movement that would rouse them from sleep or even cause them to stir whatsoever. So, what the hell was he doing here? How long had he even been awake for? How did he know where to find her? She was always so careful.

She never let anyone be around her when she was troubled. She had always kept her guard up for that exact purpose, as to not attract others. She never let anyone see her weak, because she knew how they would treat her. They wouldn't be able to handle seeing her that way. Knowing just how damaged she really was on the inside.

Jean saw the surprise on her face and shrugged casually "I thought you would be cold" he replied casually. It was still early spring after all, it was bound to be getting colder by this point. He knew Elsa had her secrets and he respected that. But he would not let her suffer by herself if he could do something to help. Since she trusted him enough he would happily help her vent.

Elsa blinked speechless, staring at him with her blank red eyes, unable to find words to say. Why did he care about her so much? Not that she hated it, but she didn't understand why. Nobody had ever been kind to her, she had been alone since the day she was born. Her own family had abandoned her leaving her to fend for herself. So why was he looking out for her?

She was simply a loner, a cold, brash, sharp tongued loner who enjoyed his company. He wasn't as annoying as everyone else in this damn place, he had an attitude which she liked. She barely spoke two words to him but sensed he cared. But as to why given how everyone else didn't, she had no idea.

Jean then tried again to make conversation sensing she was troubled. He often wondered what it would be like to pick her mind and get inside her head a little. What things he would learn about her. "Can't sleep?" he replied. He knew the tea and sleeping beside him helped comfort her. But as to what was causing her insomnia he was clueless. Just what caused her so much grief.

Ela stiffened, frowning and tightening her grip. She could rarely if ever sleep, it was always the same. The trauma ran too deep, haunting her always. Nothing seemed to chase away the memories. "My mind is too loud again" she replied. She often reminisced about her childhood days before her world went to hell. How peaceful it had been, how quiet it had been.

Though rarely, she sometimes missed it. The days before her attacks, the days before she learned how cruel the world was. Maybe that was why people were so fucked up, because they knew how ugly life was. They had seen just how bad it had got and had adapted into the people they were to cope, not because they wanted to.

Jean blinked but decided not to press more on the subject. He knew that she got more irritable when wasn't feeling well. He would rather not put her in a worse mood with her temper directed at him. If they caused a ruckus here they would wake everyone else up and end up getting into trouble with Shadis which he would rather avoid.

Elsa shifted, stroking the soft blanket. It was warm, soft and gentle, making her feel comforted. Had he really been that worried about her that he had given her his bed-sheet. "Thanks, for trying to warm me up" she replied gratefully. Though the weather hadn't been that cold, somehow, she felt happy having him care about her well-being. To notice her.

Jean hummed, why would he do such a thing? It was basic human courtesy after all, his mama had raised him right in that sense. "While what you wear is up to yourself. I don't want you to neglect yourself" he replied. It was her body and she could do what she wanted with it, but that didn't mean he wouldn't show concern.

Elsa was impressed, she never thought Jean was that type of guy. He at first seemed like he wanted a classy lady who knew how to dress appropriately. "Wow, bold" she replied. Who knew the supposed obnoxious horse of the 105th squad was actually so down to earth. She had to say it was rather refreshing to hear.

Jean shrugged, after being around her often enough, he had come to learn to be straightforward and yet respectful towards her boundaries was the best route to follow. I mean she was more than capable of kicking the likes of Eren's ass and coming close to doing the same to him. He would rather not threaten being on her good terms.

Elsa then gazed up at the sky, it was really pretty out here. Stargazing was one of the few things that seemed to really make her happy. Making her forget how shitty her life had been up until this point. "Appreciate it" she replied. It was nice to have someone who wasn't in her face all the time. Someone who didn't nit-pick her for being moody, for talking back or having an attitude. But just took her as she was.

* * *

Elsa tiptoed back to her bunk silently, while Jean followed both of them on edge. Not wanting to get caught sneaking out. I mean, how the hell were they supposed to explain it. Oh hey, I wasn't feeling well so I went out for some fresh air and happened to take Jean with me. She doubted they would buy it and think something else was going on.

It was funny to see most of their bunk mates in weird positions, some cuddling or even upside down. To know that half of them weren't nearly as tough as they made themselves out to be at all. Sleeping positions were truly a funny thing, to see how the body changed during sleep. To see what it was capable of in flexibility.

Eventually they got back to their own bed, managing to climb in quietly. Since the beds were feather-down, they didn't creak or make a sound. However, they were eadily damaged meaning they had to be repaired often enough. Making it easy to get in and out without a sound. Rather useful given the uses the cadets came up with.

Jean laid back on the mattress comfortably, it was nice to be in his bed again. Realizing how tired he actually was. Making it easier for him to relax and drift into sleep quicker. Elsa climbed in after him, easily sliding into the sheets. Not realizing how cold he had actually been before. Grateful that Jean had even considered her wellbeing and health.

"Night Elsa" Jean whispered under his breath sleepily. It certainly had been an interesting night, not bad but almost amusing in a way. Feeling himself fall into slumber, he would need the rest for training tomorrow. After all, they were training themselves for war.

"Night Jean" Elsa replied wearily. Feeling herself able to relax more than she had before. Somehow being around Jean, he made the night terrors go away. He made all of it, go away. What kind of magic did he wield, how was it being around him made her forget her demons. I mean magic didn't exist, yet he was able to chase away the nightmares that plagued her sleep.


End file.
